


Time is Precious

by Chasethemorning



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2018-09-27 23:32:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 24,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10056992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chasethemorning/pseuds/Chasethemorning
Summary: Pepper is the CEO of Stark Industries. It'll get better, give it time, they say. She, personally, isn't sure just how much time she has to invest.





	1. Numbers

Pepper took a deep breath, fingering the buttons of her suit, chewing her lower lip as she scanned the accounts filing on her computer screen in her office in Stark Industries. She let out a deep breath after a moment, blowing a strawberry blonde strand out of her face and squeezing her eyes shut. 

 

Pepper took a moment to lean back in the computer chair, pinching the bridge of her nose and counting to ten as the migraine set in. Dealing with old cynical men and the recession in general then the bad publicity brought on by Iron Man himself and all the extra hidden accounts for clean up, and all of the figures racing through her brain were enough to make anyone crack. 

 

The ceaseless worrying about Tony was yet another thing. They- She. She decided to take a break. She couldn't stand sitting at home worrying about him, laying awake at night not sure if he was alive or dead. The break didn't stop any of that but she was too stubborn to admit as much to anyone but herself. He was on her mind when she opened her eyes, when she ate or drank or showered or breathed. He was on her mind when she laid in bed at night and didn't sleep because he might be doing something stupid like getting himself killed by aliens or creating AI that tries to destroy the world. He was on her mind when she did drift off, holding her close and caressing her face with calloused fingers that spent too much time modifying tiny shreds of metal or counting the freckles on her thigh... 

 

And he was on her mind now. Rhodes being paralyzed, the men she met ripped apart at the seams. Who did Tony have in this world? He alienated himself, isolated himself. The thought of him sitting alone at night in his lab tinkering with prosthetic devices to help James recover and eating hot pockets or not eating at all... she moved her fingers to her head massaging her temples. 

 

Maybe she should call him. Email him. Text him. Tell him all of this. But she would be admitting defeat and giving in. He couldn't be him if he wasn't saving the world. He needed it like a fish needed water. It was part of him. Part of him that every fiber of Pepper's being resented. She felt her breath hitch in her chest and her eyes start to burn and her mind start to swirl like a tornado. It had been months. Almost a year. And this constant heart break didn't quit. 

 

Give it time. That's what her psychologist said. Give it time. How much did she have left to give? She took another deep hitched breath and sat up in the chair, pulling open her private drawer and digging out a bottle of anxiety medication. She didn't have time to break down near the end of the fiscal year where the company was relying on her input to stay afloat so desperately. She was the life raft. She couldn't have holes. She had to take care of the people involved. 

 

Millions of people unbeknownst to them relied on her to hold it together. The thought made her head spin in its dizzy merry-go-round even faster. There were so many employees who's livelihood was at stake, there were the people in hospitals who relied on the company to manufacture and invent ways to heal them, the tech field which used their devices for precision in businesses like the crude lubricant and mining and automotive industries, and not to mention National Security and security in general, providing safer homes and schools. Students at technical colleges and in vocational schools across the globe relied on scholarships to devise new inventions to better the planet and conserve the environment. Stark Industries was the hub of it all. And she was the knut left holding it all together.

 

She took a deep breath and stood up, pacing the length of the windows of the office, trying to stop her brain from calculating just how many people needed her and tried to refocus on the numbers that had been on the computer screen but all that came to mind were deep chocolatey pools and dark lashes and the way his fingers used to curl around her lower back. She let out a long exhale, sitting back down at her desk, eyes squeezed shut. 


	2. Filled with Red

She would just sleep in the office if she hadn't accumulated so much unnecessary stuff over the years. She could personally finance the installation of a shower in her private bathroom, and they made futons that fit the aesthetic of the company and maybe then she wouldn't be as haunted by the ghosts in her head when the day ended and she crawled into sheets they used to share. But all of this stuff would have to be drastically downsized. And honestly she was partly afraid the memories might completely disappear with them, though she wouldn't use that as justification to not do it if anyone ever asked.

 

The dull ache in her temples spread across her skull as she sat at the breakfast nook and uncorked a bottle of wine from her collection. She loved wine. Hiding wine in the office might raise question. Just another reason to keep her own space. She eyed the empty seat as the poured the red delicately into the glass like she wasn't about to finish the bottle before she turned down the sheets. Why did she need two chairs anyway? In case family came to visit. At least that's what she told herself when she wondered. 

 

Pepper took a deep breath and sipped her glass, delicately gripping the stem, heading toward her room. She sat the base of the glass firmly on her vanity before sitting down at the mirror, rubbing her temples again. Pulling a tub of make up remover from a drawer and a wipe, she erased the little bit of mascara she put on, the foundation that promised to eliminate her worry lines and laugh lines coming off next, then the nude lip stick that hid the scarring on her lips from the many times she chewed and bit the lower one in frustration. All of her freckles came into view and suddenly she seemed quite overdressed.

 

She took another drink, heading to the walk in closet, toeing off the nude pumps first and foremost. Four inches shorter, and a lot meaker, she starred at herself in the mirror, blinking slowly once or twice before settling the glass again. Pepper started to shed her layers, tossing certain pieces into a blue basket, the rest a white one. Color coded for dry clean only or regular wash. She was careful not to look at her body after the clothes were removed. She knew she looked awful. She didn't need to see. Thin and peaky and old. Older than she really was. Gravity caught up with all women, even those important enough to grace the cover of Forbes and Time. 

 

Layers of gray and white cotton and denim took the place of polyester and satin and nylon like a hermit crab changing out its shell. She pulled the scrunchie from her hair, followed by the pins, and watched it fall down. Running fingers through it, tangles of strawberry blonde trapped her fingers together, unsecured to her scalp. She tossed the webs into the small bin she kept in this area beside the dry clean only basket with the tangled masses from every day that this routine occurred before taking another, larger drink. 

 

Her hair was thinning, though she couldn't tell just by looking at it. She could, however, see the streaks of gray without careful scrutiny. Silver and red. Pepper gave an exasperated sigh, closing her eyes again, wallowing in her aging facade. The worry and stress caught up to her like the tortoise caught the hare. She stretched her arms above her head and wandered to a drawer, pulling out a pair of thick socks and pulling them on her feet. Then she took another drink. 

 

Pepper reached the bottom of the glass at that point. With a sigh she returned back to the kitchen, refilling, the red coating the empty places. She wished she could pour the bottle straight into her mouth and coat the gap in her ribs as easily, but her pride held her back. Going to the fridge, she dumped some leftover pesto spaghetti squash and parmesan into a bowl, reheating it in the microwave as she sipped, watching the numbers crawl to zero. 

 

And that glass was empty before the beep. She pulled out her dinner and grabbed the one fork from the strainer, sitting at the breakfast nook and picking at it until it was gone, her brain feeling fuzzy. Slowly she finished out the bottle of wine, tossing it into the recycle bin. She took a deep breath, going to the sink, sponge rough against her palm, scrubbing and scouring the oil out until the warm water was just warm water and no longer had a purpose. 

 

Grudgingly she eyed her phone. It was only 8pm. Her chest would've clenched if she hasn't drunk herself into a stupor. Slowly she took a seat on the love seat, curling up, phone in hand, and chewed her lower lip, finger tips hovering over the touch screen. After an internal debate that she went through every night, she backed out of his contact card and sat the pocket sized computer face down beside her, looking around the room.

 

She should just move into the office. It'd be easier. 

 

Pepper picked the phone back up, tilting her head and pulling up his contact icon again. She looked at his picture, at those eyes, and chewed harder on her lip, breaking the skin. Everything about this just felt wrong. After a long pause, her fingers hovered above the call button. Maybe she'd just get his voice mail. Just hear his voice and hang up. 

 

No. 

 

She tossed the phone to the other couch and got up from her seat, forcing herself to the bedroom in silence. 


	3. Borneo 1834

If he came knocking on her door today or any day for that matter she'd probably slap him across that stubble that sometimes collected on his otherwise perfectly groomed face so hard that his head would spin around in circles. She had so much control over every part of her life besides this. And her heart hadn't been a willing sacrifice. Or a choice. It just... happened. Like passing out. You claw and tear at the air trying to stop yourself but before you know it you've fallen into a dark swirly void of nothing. Helpless. She'd never allowed herself to be helpless before Tony.

 

Pepper pulled the blankets back up over her as the sun caressed her cheek, warm and beckoning. She couldn't help but wonder, in that moment, where he was and what he was doing. She imagined him in his lab, having been up beneath the pent house all night, going over his inventions and working his fingers raw, sweating in the cool darkness despite the nice day blossoming outside, losing track of time, his natural sleeping rhythm completely broken by deprivation. 

 

She hid her face in the pillow, the persistent beaming and thoughts making it impossible to lull back into her fantasy world. With a sigh she slipped out from the bed, making it behind herself. Maybe she'd go for a walk instead of using the eliptical this morning. Maybe. She needed coffee, that was for sure. 

 

Dressing in denim and cotton again she pulled on her shoes and brushed her hair, wandering out of the apartment building, waving to the staff, and to the sidewalk below. Maybe she should get a dog? She walked passed a woman with an Italian Grey Hound on a leash, tossing the thought around. It wouldn't be fair to the dog, she didn't have enough time or space or patience for that matter. She looked up at the sun, watching a mother walk a baby in a stroller in front of her. Pepper's chest ached briefly, her own biological clock running out swiftly at this point. Maybe that's what made this so hard? She'd given him her good years and was left with nothing, at this point. Getting to know another partner enough to want to have a baby would run that hourglass' sand the rest of the way out.

 

Pepper quickly passed the woman and stroller, heading toward the coffee shop across from Stark Industries, eyeing the skyscraper with a smile. She really was proud of the work her company did, and the way they helped the rest of the world. Lost in thought a moment she turned the corner into the shop, juggling her wallet and keys, standing in the back of the little line as the baristas worked themselves to the bone this hour of the day. 

 

Mmm. Borneo 1834... cocoa and patchouli... floral undertones and labdanum. Pepper's breath got caught in her throat for a moment, hitching over each rib as she opened her eyes, eyeing the dark hairline of the man in front of her. Her chest clenched, her body stiffened, her eyes watered. She was still having trouble breathing when he turned around, tilting a clean shaven chiseled jaw, furrowing a bushy brow at her, ice blue eyes dripping in concern. 

 

"You alright? " the stranger asked, giving her a half grin. 

 

Pepper's mouth fell and she sighed deeply as her whole body relaxed. She bit her lower lip and nodded silently.

 

He turned back around and stepped forward in the queue, Pepper's heart shattered in a million flecks of light flitting in through the windows. She stepped up a few moments later, ordered her double expresso, and decided she was safer in the apartment for the rest of the day, eliptical and open windows it was. 

 

\---

 

"Are you still there?" came her mom's voice over speaker phone. 

 

"Yea, I'm here," Pepper answered quickly.

 

"Well, I said I was going to let you go and I love you and you didn't answer. Are you sure you're okay? Do you need me to come up there for a bit, sweetheart?" 

 

"No. I'm okay. I'm just... still..." Pepper swallowed the lump in her throat.

 

"Virginia," gasped her mom. "If you miss that guy this much, I don't care what guy, you should go get him back." Her mom was quiet a moment. "It's been almost a year."

 

Pepper nodded then remembered she wasn't technologically advanced enough to Skype. "I understand," she said quietly. "But I..."

 

Her mom sighed. "You should think about giving him a call is all I'm saying."

 

"Okay, mom. I love you," Pepper said quietly.

 

"I love you too, baby. Bye." 

 

And the apartment went silent again besides the clock in the corner ticking gently away. Pepper closed her eyes and finished the last glass of wine from this night's bottle, throwing it back quickly. 


	4. Rhodey's Request

There was something about the way the city took life at night that repulsed her. She didn't like large groups of people together, really. Or the violence that often incited when they drank and celebrated. But James insisted he couldn't shake those tending to him until this hour, so she was out and about though hidden behind tinted glass in the Jetta. Her anxiety was on the rise as she watched her surroundings, overly alert. 

 

Rhodey was staying somewhere in the city, which likely meant Tony was as well. She took a deep breath, thinking back on the Borneo guy from the shop this morning, the cologne Tony wore from time to time having caught her off guard. He was attractive though. Maybe if she hadn't been so afraid for him to turn around, then she could've said something. Anything. 

 

The thought of talking to another man that way sent a stab straight through her delicate cardiovascular system. She could literally feel her veins closing up, her blood surging. She quickly told her heart she was sorry for even considering it and she wouldn't do it again and searched her purse as her left arm started to feel like pins and needles, hand going numb, using her knee to steer. She pulled over into the nearest parking spot, eyeing a meter as she swallowed down the anxiety medication, then rested her forhead against the steering wheel and counted to thirty five very slowly. 

 

Feeling started to return to her upper arm, so she pulled back out before someone could nab her for not getting out to feed the parking meter and steered with her right hand. 

 

Slowly she urged herself out of the little blue car and up the sidewalk, heels clicking across the pavement as she went. Keeping up appearances, she'd bothered to make herself look like... well... herself. If James was still seeing Tony, the last thing she wanted Stark to know was that she was aging and crumbling in his absence. She needed to look better than well. And relaxed. She reminded herself to relax. Breathe deeply. Smile wide. Be present and accounted for. 

 

Giving a gentle knock, the door opened on its own and she stepped back. "Rhodes?" She called out, wandering in. 

 

"I'm in here," he said softly. 

 

Pepper followed his voice, bright smile fading off of her face as the reality of his injuries assulted her visually. There he was, handsome and lean with intelligent eyes and a wise grin that was also fading, in a wheel chair. He'd lost some muscle mass in his legs already. She choked back a strangled breath, tears in her eyes, one slipping warm down her cheek, manicured hand covering her mouth. 

 

"Hey, thanks for coming to me. I'd have come to you but as you can see it's not as easy these days," he said gently. "It's... it's not that bad, Pepper. Come in and sit down and stop looking at me like I'm a disabled vet or something," he half joked, judging by the jabby nature of his voice.

 

She tried to pull herself together quickly, rubbing under her eyes and letting out a deep, shaky exhale. "I would've come sooner if you let me..."

 

"Do you know how hard it is to make Tony leave you alone when he feels like it's his fault you got hurt?" he snorted, looked at her, decided she did and doubled back quickly. "You've talked to me through all this time. I appreciate it. You don't have anything to feel any way about. It was me stalling on you," he reminded. 

 

She nodded. "I get it." She sat down beside him on a loveseat, ankles crossed, meeting his eyes. "What have the doctors said?" she asked calmly, hands in her lap.

 

"I'm paralyzed from the waist down. What can they say?" he smirked. "Tony insists he's going to create something to help me walk again..."

 

Pepper nodded and pursed her peachy colored lips, looking down at her lap. "It's not as easy as curing a virus..." she looked up.

 

"No. It's kinda part of why I called and asked you to come over," he said gently. 

 

Pepper took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "What is?"

 

James frowned. "I wouldn't call you about it if I didn't feel like I exhausted all the other options, Pepper," he started. "First off, I really hate anyone seeing me like this. That pity look in their eyes they get the first time... it doesn't feel right," he wheeled himself so he was facing her as she looked down. "And mostly, I know you're done with him," he said.

 

Pepper tensed and sat straighter, looking up. "It's that bad?" She blinked.

 

"He hasn't been sleeping besides micronaps that he insists are voluntary but..." James squared his jaw. "He's losing weight, dark circles... he doesn't leave the lab unless it's to try a new harness on me or something. He's taken a few calls, but he stopped even bothering with paper mail last week," James frowned.

 

"Explains why he hasn't signed off on the requisitions I sent out," she said quietly, looking away. "Look, what do you want me to do about it? Rhodes... I can't fix him."

 

James tilted his head. "C'mon, Pepper... we both know better than that," he chided.

 

"Even if I... I wanted to help. You don't know what you're asking," she answered, standing up and pacing to the window. 

 

"I do. I know," he smacked his thighs, exasperatedly, sighing. "He just..."

 

In a millisecond decades of thoughts weaved themselves in a wild web in her brain. She slid her shaking hands into her pockets imagining him standing there in front of the pane of glass, limbs literally falling off and eyes sunken and dark. Pepper sighed again, looking back at him. "When and where?" She asked quietly.


	5. There Are Things You Don't Forget.

Plans were set and she was here. He was supposed to be picking up a package that Rhodey instructed whoever else was staying where they were not to get from the UPS truck. It had to be signed for by Stark himself so obviously whatever was in it was important. And necessary. And he'd fallen asleep and missed the delivery. She had taken a car to the warehouse and sent the driver away. She looked out of place against the background and was pretty sure he'd notice her immediately. But he didn't. She watched him park, watched him walk into the building looking like a Walking Dead extra, and he didn't even take a second glance.

 

He came out a few minutes later with a small box. And she stepped up beside him. "Tony."

 

He almost dropped it, jumping out of his skin almost, but caught it and his balance and just stared. And stared. And then his mouth fell open awkwardly. "Right. The requisitions. I'll send them up... uh... immediately... I..."

 

Pepper reached out and touched his arm over his sleeve, her heart clenching. She swallowed thickly. "This isn't about that..."

 

He looked around, brows furrowed. "Where's... where's your car? Did you... downgrade or..."

 

Pepper took a long deep breath. "Tony... you look... when did you eat last?" She shifted from one heel to the other. 

 

"Do you... do you need a ride?" he asked, moving away from her touch. "Because I have my car and I could..."

 

Pepper tilted her head at him. She reached up and tried to touch the side of his face but he flinched away. Her palm made gentle contact, stroking with her thumb. "Give me your keys..."

 

"No. I'm fine," he said sternly after a moment. "You don't want to be a part of this, remember," he said after a moment, moving away from her hand.

 

She stalked after him, clicking against the pavement. "Tony. Give. Me. Your. Keys." She demanded it. "You haven't slept in days or weeks, you're not eating... you're pale as a ghost. Give. Them. To. Me."

 

He spun around, almost glowering at her but the look softened under his exhaustion rather quickly. He dropped his arms to his sides like a white flag and, package in one hand, dug in the pocket of his other. He pulled out the keys and looked at them for a moment before throwing them at her feet on the pavement. "Fine. I'll walk. Wouldn't want to ruin the company by falling asleep at the wheel and hitting a family of five in a crosswalk or whatever you've worked up in your head," he managed, through gritted teeth.

 

"No. You're getting in." She stood there, hands on her hips, eyeing him seriously. "And we're going to go get a cheeseburger, and then you're going to go home to your bed, and I'm going to sit next to it and read my emails while you sleep," she said frankly.

 

"I'm not a kid, Pepper," he said obstinately. "I don't need a kid's meal and a nap."

 

"But you do." She took a deep breath. "Tony, you're going to kill yourself."

 

"I'm fine," he insisted, whining it out and over extending the last syllable. "Wait, which one of them-?" He laughed like a crazy person, "was it Vision?"

 

Pepper snorted. "Get. In. The. Car. Now." Each word was pronounced. She bent down and picked up the keys. "You're crazy. Get in." She eyed him.

 

"And if I do..." he walked backwards toward the car. "If I'm good, if I do what you want... you're just going to leave me there while I'm sleeping and stop taking my calls and then my texts and then my emails..." he paused. "Contrary to popular belief, I know exactly what I'm doing," he said, with finality. "Was it... was it Rhodey?"

 

Pepper sighed, stalking to the car and opening the passenger's door. It was hideous. Orange. It looked like it could break 300mph if he tried it. She hated to think about him being unsafe and unstable behind the wheel of something like this. She bit her lip motioning in toward the seat. "Tony. Please, just get in."

 

He softened and sighed, scratching the back of his neck and dropping his head before getting into the car and sitting down. "Only because you said please," he looked up at her with glazed chocolate brown eyes, reddening by the moment. 

 

Pepper woke him up when they got to his home. She'd managed to leave him sleeping in the car while she ordered his food. No onion, pickles on the side, extra cheese, extra bacon, toast the roll. There are things you don't forget about a person once you've been around more than a decade. The burger order was low on the list of things she had memorized about Tony Stark. She held the burger in her lap until they reached the same address she'd visited James at last week. 

 

Pepper gently rubbed Tony's shoulder, leaning across the shifter and console to the bucket seat he was in. She watched him blink his eyes open and give a goofy grin before his typical stretching. He groaned. "I just had this crazy dream where I ruined all of my relationships by going off to save the world. It was... insane. Glad to see it was all in my head," the sarcasm dripped off every word. He sighed, the smell of the burger creeping on him. His stomach gave a loud gurgle.

 

"You're hangry," she said. "Smells good, doesn't it?"

 

Tony swallowed thickly. "Mmm." 

 

Pepper raised her brows. "Let's go," she said softly, opening her door and handing him his keys back.

 

"How do you know I won't just drive away until you give up and leave me alone," he yelled after her as she reached the stairs before he was even fully out of the car.

 

"Because I know you can't resist one of Pete's burgers," she said, opening the door. It was unlocked just like James said it would be. 

 


	6. What if

"But... what if I fall asleep and drown in the shower, Pep..." Tony whined. "You really should join me- for my own safety, you know?"

 

Pepper rolled her eyes giving an exasperated sigh, clutching a towel in her hand. "I'm not falling for that. Now go get a shower," she shook her head, eyeing the inside of his dresser drawers that were rumpled and in no particular order at this point. But at least someone had washed them. She didn't quite expect that much. "Please."

 

"Alright," he mocked a let down tone and disappeared into the bathroom. 

 

Pepper had a moment to herself. This was counterproductive to her getting over the relationship on all levels. She waited to hear the water running and slammed a drawer closed, sitting on the bed, head between her knees. She ran her fingers through her hair, stray strands tangling in her fingers. Was this where she wanted to be at 64? That wasn't too far into the future honestly. She was exhausted now. In another three decades she'd probably just drop dead from the stress of this, of holding someone else's life together and disregarding her own.

 

She never wanted something like this as a little girl. She imagined marrying someone who doted on her, slow danced with her in the kitchen and said sweet nothings to her until she fell asleep. There was never fighting and bargaining over taking care of his hygiene or eating or sleeping. There wasn't the endless chore of waiting for him to blow himself up on the news evading an alien invasion or disappearing wordlessly in the night and staying gone for days.

 

Pepper coughed, not quite enough oxygen getting to her brain. She also didn't expect the hurt of leaving behind twenty years of partnership. The attachment issues. She grew with him, like sinew between bones, and tore herself away so quickly and thought it'd be okay. This wasn't what she thought love was. But it rang true to all the songs and books and movies in a way. The hopeless feeling of falling into a dark abyss of unknowns. She was trying so hard to climb back out but it wasn't working.

 

She laid his clothes out on the bed and left the room quietly, waiting just outside of the door. Time passed at an alarmingly fast rate as she listened to the silence in the walls. Tony slid out of the room in his socks like the scene from Risky Business and it took serious control to fight a smile that threatened to get him riled up.

 

"Tony... you really need to lay down," she said softly. "Go get into bed."

 

"Don't you want to come to bed with me?" he tilted his head, raising a brow. "I mean, you keep telling me I shouldn't go so long between doing healthy things. It's been more than a year since I -"

 

Pepper swiftly stood and stuck her index finger over his lips to shush him. "That's enough of that," she said quickly. "Go get in bed, please? I have work to do..."

 

Tony sighed. "Fiiiiine," he grumbled, turning and reentering the room. "But you know... that kind of hypocrisy is exactly why I never know what to do..."

 

Pepper's eyes rolled hard as she followed him in. He threw himself onto the mattress, blankets billowing in the force, then started to crawl inside of them. She snorted back a laugh and settled in the chair beside the bed, shaking her head. "If you feel this good after a meal and a bath, imagine how good you'll feel after you sleep for a few," she said carefully.

 

Tony didn't respond though. He was already lightly snoring, on his side, facing away from her. He was exhausted beyond definition. 

 

Pepper assessed the situation as her emails loaded, adding onto an invisible to do list. Be sure he's hydrated. Give him vitamins. Trick him into a vegetable. Clear the lab of any alcohol just in case he's gone back to that.  She took a deep breath and shifted back into the chair farther. He could probably use a walk. Maybe some human interaction so she should get a board game out. 

 She looked back at the emails, remembering how awful it was to be here, to be in the middle of all of this. The times she almost died were muted by the times he almost died. No control. She would never be able to stop him now,  with the current legislation in place to use them whenever the UN saw fit. There wouldn't be any "just five more minutes" or "please, I have a bad feelijg about this one"s if the government deemed his involvement necessary. 

 

Pepper swallowed hard. It was too much stress to be with him and too much to be without and she was stranded here, in his room, trying to take care of him again.  She fell so quickly back into this toxic pattern, so easily she was swayed to make sure Tony was okay... email after email she started to regret this choice. When he wasn't in front of her, she could almost forget all of the bad things about being with Tony Stark and romanticize their relationship and convince herself it was love.

 

But then again,  what did love look like?  Maybe it wasn't what it is in movies where he brings her flowers and whispers sweet nothings and puts his existence on hold for her. Maybe it was giant velveteen rabbits and exploding suits into fireworks and creating antiviruses and finally getting something done about his heart so he could be healthier... maybe it was something unspoken. Maybe it was creating AI so he didn't feel obligated to run into danger because there wouldn't be danger anymore... maybe Tony was only smooth until his heart was on the line... 

 

Thinking things like that was dangerous and would make her fall easier so she tried not to let the many what if this meant that's fill her brain and focused on the emails as he snored. 


	7. Nightmares

At some point she'd gotten drowsy, listening to his steady rhythmic snores and curled in an armchair that seemed to reflect her own body heat back to her. Her breathing slowed, her eyes grew heavy. Soon it was a struggle just to keep them parted. Her posture became lax, slumped slightly and moving with the piece of furniture. She struggled through the last of her inbox, sending responses and setting meetings. And then she slid the phone between her thighs and shifted her body in the cushioning, growing overly comfortable. 

 

She wasn't sure how long she was out, just that someone walked by once or twice and she'd heard James' wheelchair a third time and slightly lost her lull only to be drawn back in with each pass. And then she heard a struggled grunt. And a loud yelp of 'No!'. Pepper's eyes snapped open.

 

The rustling of blankets and sheets as Tony tossed and turned in them, twisting them up into a little prison like cacoon around him. He started to yell, slurred, but Pepper could make out some of it, mostly No and Stop and Don't. He was flailing and punching and sobbing as she made her way to him, finding her feet in the dark groggy state, climbing on the bed. Slowly, cautiously, she reached over, taking one of his hands, the one that was more likely to hit her, and using her other hand to push her fingers through his hair. 

 

"Shhhhh, Tony... hey... it's okay... you're safe in your bed... wake up," she said softly. 

 

He continued to thrash, whimpering like a kicked puppy, coughing and choking in his sleep. Pepper's hand went to his face, then to his shoulder, turning him as best as she could. "Tony," she said more sternly. "Tony, please wake up. You're having a nightmare. It's not real-"

 

Before she could finish he sat straight up, shaking, grabbing his chest, his other wrist and hand trying to head in that direction too, twisting her's on accident in the process. The struggled scream that left his mouth was probably one of the most awful sounds she'd ever heard, and she could remember it from before they started to sleep in separate beds. It was the memory that triggered her reaction to climb onto his thighs and clutch him into her tightly, stroking his back and cradling him in from the outside world. She felt him go limp, still trembling, as he choked out an "I'm sorry."

 

"Don't apologize... shhhh. It's okay now. I'm right here. We're warm and safe in your bed," she whispered, still rocking him. "It was just a dream. It isn't real. It's okay."

 

Tony leaned his head back and Pepper's grip on him laxed. He blinked up at her, tears still in his eyes, and then lifted her gently and placed her beside him. He took a deep breath, watching her for a long moment, looking quite wounded. It was silent. He was silent which was strange in its own right. Gently a hand went to her ankle, stroking gently, calloused and rough in places where he most often gripped tools. His other went gently to her wrist. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" he asked, gently holding it in his palm. "You shouldn't get near me when I'm like that. Just spray me or smack me with a broomstick or something. I could really hurt you," he said, almost sternly. 

 

Pepper winced when he tried to flex her wrist toward the underneath of her wrist, retracting from his hand involuntarily. Slowly she forced herself to put it back, watching him. "I couldn't help it... you sounded so upset and then you started to not be able to breathe right..." she blinked. "When was your last physical? Are your lungs okay?"

 

Tony took his hand off her ankle and ran it through his hair. "I'm fine. It was just a nightmare." He watched her. She knew better. It triggered an anxiety attack. He could see in her eyes she knew very well what it was. Gently he placed her hurt hand where his arc reactor used to sit before surgery, then brought it to his mouth, gingerly kissing her fingertips. He was trying to be sweet but he also liked the way she squirmed and her eyelids always shut when he did that.

He took a deep breath and tilted his head. "I'm no doctor, but I think we should get some ice on your wrist... wrap it..." he tilted his head. "Maybe we can order in some dinner so you can rest it. I'll... uh... drive you home afterwards if you want," he swallowed thickly. "Or you can, you know... just stay."

 

"Tony... all this stress isn't good for you," Pepper said softly. "You can't keep-"

 

Tony kissed her fingers again to silence her, his other hand going gently to her cheek. "Let's go get your wrist taken care of. The company needs it," he gave a weak half smile before letting her go and climbing out of bed. He looked her over for a long minute before flicking on the dimmed bedside lamp and glancing out the window. "Holy sh-" he caught himself. "It's dark..." he looked at his watch. "Must be a storm or something... it's only a little after five," he headed toward the door.

 

Pepper pushed herself out of the bed and onto the floor, kicking off her heels and taking a deep breath. She touched him a moment. "If I'm staying the night do I get to borrow some of your clothes?" She asked, shifting her hips, meeting his eyes.

 

He smirked and circled back, glad he hadn't opened the door yet. Tony stalked toward her, almost predatory smile on his face. Gently his hands found her hips, his body so close that he could feel her pulse in the area between them. "Mmm. Let's so what we have in your size." Maybe if he played along she'd really stay this time. His breath hitched. Slowly he kissed the top of her head, lifting her onto his dresser. One hand traced her thigh while the other shifted through a t-shirt drawer. 

 

Pepper moved more fully against his touch. It'd been so long and she'd almost forgotten how his fingers knew how to hit each nerve in such a delicate and meticulous way that it didn't even look like his hand was moving. She held onto the edge of the dresser, watching him toss a few things onto the bed. Her eyes closed and a muscle in her thigh started to lightly twitch against his palm. She sighed softly before forcing her lids back opened, flushed across the bridge of her nose and cheeks. 

 

"It all looks like it's going to be big on you, but it should be more comfortable than what you have on," he said softly, leaning in closer, still tricking her body into wanting him. "You're lighter now, you've lost weight. Are you eating?" He asked, looking concerned.

 

"I'm eating," she said softly. "Just stressed. It's the end if the fiscal year and so many people are counting on me," she looked up and met his eyes, pupils dilated like some kind of feind. "On top of... everything else."

 

"Everything else?" He asked, tilting his head. "What else?" He pushed a hand through her hair, picking her back up off the dresser. "Better yet, get changed. Meet me in the kitchen. You can tell me while I fix up your wrist," he said, looking between her two hands. "You're already swelling."  


	8. How I Wish You Were Here

Tony gently moved the bag of peas off of her wrist as he reentered the kitchen, sitting across from her at a breakfast nook and looking the injury over. He wasn't a doctor and he thought about taking her to an urgent care but he knew she'd protest. And he wasn't her, he knew he wouldn't battle her on it like she so often did him. Turning her hand slightly, he glanced up. "So, want to tell me about this everything else? Boy troubles or something? " he asked, sucking a deep breath in. If it was that he wasn't sure how he'd feel. 

 

Pepper tilted her head. "In a way." She answered. She winced slightly as he moved. it again.

 

He found where he needed to stabilize and started to wrap an ace bandage gently, his chest starting to ache and his left hand starting to tingle. "What's his issue?" he asked gruffly.

 

"He has a save the world complex. And I can't seem to find a way to cope with it." Pepper swallowed. She felt Tony relax in the air. He was afraid she'd moved on, huh? "So, we took a break. I started seeing a counselor. Taking medicine. Trying to... move on. But when you've been around someone the better part of twenty years, it's not so easy. And he can't change who he is. And I can't change who I am. So we're like that Pink Floyd song..."

 

"Two lost souls swimmin' in a fish bowl..." he looked up as he fastened a clasp on the bandage, gently sitting the peas back on her wrist. 

 

"Good to know you at least have vegetables in the house. I thought you'd be surviving soley on hot pockets and pizza bites..." she teased.

 

"Mm. You know I only like the bagels, not the bites," he smirked. "Rhodey likes vegetables." He met her eyes. "So this hasn't been what you thought it would be, huh?" He patted her hand before getting up and going to the fridge. The soft light filtered in to that part of the room as ran started to pitter patter on the windows. 

 

Pepper clammed up. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, closing her eyes. "No. I thought I'd stop worrying about you." 

Tony looked her over, sliding a bottle of water in front of her, opened. "I-" he shrugged, lifting his brows, "I thought you would too, Pep." He set his jaw. "Honestly. I tried to just stay away and let you go on with your life." He let out a sigh. "Honestly, I did.

 

"It was hard at first... not to send lifesized teddy bears and flowers and chocolates with apology notes because... I'm not sorry. If I've learned one thing from all of this... shit that just happened... it's that I can't be sorry for things that I can't control." He looked her over. "I wish I could be sorry that I have to go help when aliens attack or evil scientists are doing the wrong thing. But I can't." Tony rubbed the back of his neck, going to another drawer and pulling out several menus. He rounded back on the breakfast nook and sat them down in front of her.

 

"I know," she said softly. She took a deep breath and looked away. "But nothing's changed except that I wake up in the middle of the night and you're gone every time instead of just when someone needed you." Pepper flexed her fingers. "I still worry about you all the time," she rubbed her eyes with her uninjured hand. 

 

"Pick a restaurant... I'm starving," he smirked. "Cheeseburger jump started my metabolism." Tony spread them out for her. When she looked down he stood up again. "So what do you propose we do about it? Your everything else?"

 

"I don't know," she said quietly. "Does thai food sound good?" Pepper looked up at him. 

 

"Anything you want." He leaned on the table, taking the other menus away. "The normal thing you always used to get from there?" He asked, tilting his head.

 

She nodded. "I thought about just moving into the office," she said quietly.

 

Tony furrowed his brows toward the bridge of his nose and looked at her, lip curling. "Ew, why?"

 

She shrugged. 

 

He widened his eyes with a quickly little exhale. "I think that'd be a bad idea. Stressful. If you want to move you should just... you know... move in here," he said quickly, watching for reaction. 

 

Pepper sighed and shook her head no. She shifted her weight in the chair, taking the peas off her wrist to rub it through the bandage. She watched him scrolling the restaurant menu on his phone, placing the order. "I don't know."

 

Tony looked over at her. "If you're still worried even without us being together in the same space... without talking for almost a year... without knowing when I'm actually doing something that should make you afraid for my well being or not because you don't know when I am or not... so much so that you're on medication..." he tilted his head. "I don't know. Not to be too candid, but at least then you'd know when to worry or when I'm just in the lab working." He shrugged. 

 

Pepper felt her breath get caught in her throat. She crossed her legs and looked down at her lap. "That's not a decision I should make without thinking about it."

 

Tony nodded. He watched her, his eyes trained on her every move. "Well, just... think about it. You could even have your own room if you wanted. We can take it slow," he answered. 

Pepper nearly spit out the drink of water she'd just swallowed. "Who are you and what have you done with Tony?" She asked, shifting.

 

He looked over at a Scooby Doo cookie jar on the counter. "Did you hear something?" He paused. "No, me either."

 

Pepper smiled at him and shook her head. "I'm going to need at least a week to think about it," she added. "But maybe we can see each other without talking about that this week? Just so I can be sure you don't look like a zombie again?"

 

Tony yawned. "Yea, sure. Just... really consider it because I mean... with your wrist so messed up you might need extra help opening jars and cans and cutting your food. I can provide that," he replied with a smirk.

 

"Oh yea, like I haven't survived alone with a sprain before," she answered with an eye roll. 

 

"I don't know but this sprain looks pretty bad. I mean, you might even need a sponge bath and in that apartment who's going to give it to you?" He mocked, raising his brows again. "I mean... "

 

"That's enough of that," she answered, squirming in her seat, thighs tight together. "I'll think about it."

 

He nodded quickly. "Good. Mango shrimp will be here in a minute." He ran his hand between her shoulders gently a moment before crossing the room with another smirk. 

 


	9. Monsters and Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter is Tony's complicated brain.

She insisted on following him into the lab in the lower level of the commune home they'd once all used. By they, he meant his family. Steve had hit the nail on the head in his letter, though the burner phone still sat locked, unused in a hidden vault in the building. He had his pride. He wasn't going to call up apologizing because that monster Steve was protecting was a murderer. He'd orphaned him. And while Howard was never the attentive loving dad you'd toss the ball around with, his poor mom. 

 

Imagine the pain... the fear. Bleeding and hurt in the car, listening to her soul mate get beat to death by that arm, then the metal fingers coiling around her throat. Tony couldn't stop the thought process now. What had she thought in those final moments, if anything? Was she thinking of his dad? Of the things she wished she'd done? Was she thinking of him, home from school, laying around on the couch like it was a frat house utterly undeniably unable to care for himself at that time? He felt his chest clench, his heart racing and beating hard and fast in his rib cage. The shrapnel had been removed, but it didn't fix that cardiovascular stress that somethings triggered. He knew what it felt like, to be choked. It was an eternity passing in seconds. She died a painful, slow, cruel death.  

 

And Bucky did it, whether he meant to or not. His brain was still fried and scrambled like an omlette and Steve insisted on saving him above keeping them all together. What if he turned on Steve? What if he clutched Steve's throat next? 

 

Tony dropped his micro screwdriver in the magnetic sticky glove he'd created to weild it, and pushing back from the magnifying glass, dropping the parts he was piecing together. He looked over Pepper's sleeping form on the couch he'd put down here for micronaps and took a deep breath. What if it was her? Suddenly an image of The Winter Soldier clutching delicate Pepper's throat in his fingers, crushing her windpipe and vertebrae flashed in his mind and he covered his hands with his eyes, breathing heavily,  struggling. 

 

No. He wasn't going to call Steve. He sided with a monster. 

 

He had Rhodey and Vision left. And Peter. That kid wouldn't leave him alone. Natasha... he tried to find her but he couldn't narrow her down to a continent even.  She didn't want to be found.  Thor and Banner were still both MIA. He could really use Bruce by his side at the moment, actually. The gentle scientist always knew what to say.  Tony pressed in on his eyes, sinking farther into the chair, trying to remember how things got this far.  He took a deep breath and blinked those dark pools open, the battered shield on his wall in his line of vision when he could see again. 

 

They were ripped apart. He stood up and paced the floor, eye catching Pepper again as she whimpered in her sleep, rolling over, a blanket draped over her. And he stopped. In a moment of clarity, he watched her settle, her bad wrist hidden from view though he was aware it was still there.  

 

Behind all this external thought,  he was also recalculating Rhodey's invention and considering revamping Peter Parker's suit with more modifications after what he'd seen in the news a few days ago,  the suit failed him in a moment where he needed it.  It was busy inside.  But watching her silenced it all. Slowly he turned off the microscope, crossing the room in slow strides, kneeling down beside her. Gently one arm slid under her knees, the other under her neck, careful not to pull any strawberry blonde in the process. He lifted her gently and paused so she could settle, then headed for the elevator door, cradling her close. They both needed some real sleep.  They needed to heal.  

 

The Extremis Virus incident weighed on him not just because of the young woman in his arms,  but because he had thr formula and considered trying to manipulate it further to eliminate some of the side effects that were dangerous to use it on Rhodey eventually to heal his spine. But he really needed Banner's input and though he did tweak the formula on paper, he hadn't manifested anything or told anyone about it.  If he could create it better than AIM had, nonweaponize it, call it something new, it could potentially help a lot of people.  

 

After the damage he did... it could even help Bucky Barnes.

 

Tony wasn't sure about doing something so big again.  After Ultron and The Accords and all the damage he'd done... tinkering and inventing and engineering was just a big chunk of his brain. He couldn't turn it off. But he could not act on it, not bring his creations to fruition. It just took a lot of restraint.

 

It was his fault that Pepper had been infected. It was his fault that Rhodey couldn't walk. It was his fault Sokovia was gone.  He'd heard from T'Challa through the grape vine that the guy who orchestrated the UN bombing that brought Bucky and Steve together and tore Steve and himself apart lost his family there.  So ultimately he caused them to be ripped into pieces as well. It was his fault Clint and Scott Lang and Sam and Wanda were imprisoned. It was his fault Natasha was so far down the rabbit hole that no one could find her.  His fault Wanda went away too, leaving Vision behind. 

We create our own demons... 

 

It was hard to carry all of that on your back without having answers on how to fix it. So he started small,  with Rhodey, hyperfocusing. But it did seem like even though it was his fault Pepper was gone,  she was back here in his arms in the elevator. Not exactly the problem he'd been working on,  but a small piece of the puzzle fell together. Maybe he should pick up that burner phone after all...

 


	10. Role Reversal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorta Risqué. Sorry. :) intimate moments.

Pepper had meetings overseas the next few days, renegotiating contracts in Asia mainly. But the time zone changes always threw her off kilter when she returned. So when Tony asked to drop her off and pick her up, it became an argument that ended in Tony getting his way. So, red eyed and looking a mess, she climbed down the stair case off the plane and meandered toward the orange Audi R8, half zigzagging along the way. 

 

He got out and smiled at her, looking better and better by the day, and took her bag. He opened the hood and slid it in, closing it quickly and hurrying to open her door for her. Her hand was nearly on the handle when he grabbed it. She took a deep breath and smiled at him before sliding in.

 

Tony looked her over once they left the parking lot. "You okay?" he asked.

 

"Mmmm. Tired. I want a bubble bath and a pillow and warmer clothes," she curled in on herself, tucking her hands inside her sweatshirt. "I can never sleep in Asia. It's awful. I have no idea why..." she rubbed her eyes.

 

"Well, I can help with all those wants," he said smoothly, hand going to her thigh and stroking with his thumb lightly. "Then you can take a nap. Then when Rhodey gets up... you can see..."

 

"See what?" she asked, looking up at him, blinking big hazel eyes.

 

"I finished a thing while you were gone..." he said softly, still maintaining this voice that usually lulled her out.

 

She squirmed, trying to sit taller. "A thing?" she asked.

 

"Yea. A thing. The thing..." he smirked over, taking his hand back to drive. "You should eat. I bet you didn't on the plane..."

 

Pepper sighed. "I'm not..."

 

"I didn't ask if you were hungry. I said you should eat, " he said. He kept his eyes on the road now. "I got you some of that stuff... from the Italian place... I'm getting better at remembering what you can and don't eat..." he thought back to the strawberry incident, and chanced a glance at her.

 

"I've noticed." She reached up and touched his thigh instead. "I appreciate the effort."

 

She was asleep before they got back to the commune. He kept talking in low soothing tones the whole time and felt rather pleased with himself, for not just zoning and for being attentive and caring. Maybe he could change. Maybe it'd make a difference. Part of her complaint a year ago was also that he threw money at her like it helped the situations they were put in. She'd said she needed more than that to know he cared because it had felt like he didn't. Maybe he could keep reminding himself to pay more attention to what she needed.

 

He parked and she started to stir on her own, stretching and giving a small whimper as she arched her back. She blinked her sleepy eyes up at him, noticing his face. "You look relaxed," she observed quietly. 

 

"My brain is relatively quiet for once," he said, reaching for her thigh again. "Let's get you inside. I have that bubble bath you used to like, food will be here when you're done. I went shopping for some comfortable stuff for you when you come over to stay..." 

 

Pepper blinked up at him, then narrowed her eyes a bit. She took a deep breath. "Did you ... hit your head? Are you okay?" she asked. 

 

"I thought... you said..." he looked down at the steering wheel. "What do you want from me? I'm trying. I gave you space, you came back, so I'm trying my best to... to remedy the things you said were wrong other than the things that are unchangeable and now you're looking at me like I have three heads?" He breathed a heavy sigh and looked over at her.

 

Before he could catch her eyes, though, her lips crashed against his own in an almost bruising way. She contorted herself in the tiny car to meet them, nibbling and sucking his bottom lip, caressing with her tongue, fingers in his hair. When they parted, she could hear him struggling to breathe. She opened the car door and got out.

 

Tony took a minute to recover, watching her walking away in the windshield, eyes wide. He hurriedly got out, heart pounding in his ears. "Does that mean I'm doing good?" he called after her, tilting his head. He watched her throw a flirty little grin at him, continuing on her way to the door.  "Are you going to answer me?" He blinked, trying to catch up to her. "No fair," he muttered as she disappeared inside, locking the door as he entered. 

 

Thirty seconds later she took his hands, wrapping them around her again. He rubbed her lower back dizzily as she rocked up on her tip toes to kiss him more gently this time. She looked up at him and nodded. "You're doing fine, better than I expected," she answered quietly. 

 

He visibly relaxed, working a set of fingers under her sweatshirt and stroking her Venusian dimples with his thumb. The skin to skin contact sent shivers up his spine, and he pulled her closer, his other hand between her shoulder blades. He laid his chin on top of her head. "I need to go get you that bubble bath, huh?"

 

"Or..." she breathed him in. Mm. Borneo. She relaxed into him farther. "We can wait for the food, then get in the bath together," she let the thought linger in the air. 

 

Tony looked down at her. "Really? Am I supposed to play you and tell you that's enough of that kind of talk? I don't have that kind if restraint, Pepper..." he felt his body cranking tense. "Are you teasing me to see if I'll deny you to take it slow or are you serious?"

 

She looked up. "Tony... I'm not the one who brought up taking it slow abd separate bedrooms. That was you." She tilted her head. "If you don't want to you can just say so..." she broke free of him gingerly, heading toward the hall. She pulled off her sweatshirt and let it hit the ground first. Then her tank top. Her left shoe. Her right.

 

Tony stood stunned, watching. It'd been so long he'd forgotten that she was so agressive while not being the agressor. And Rhodey. Oh no. Vision phasing through walls. He hurried after her. "Hey... hey... I have... room mates now... you can't just ..." he picked up her clothes, dropping them in the chair on the other side of the doorway to his room, jaw dropped, barely breathing. She'd gotten everything off besides her underwear set, and he was sure he was drooling on himself, wide eyed. The doorbell rang. "I'll... be right back. Don't move. Don't..." he rushed out to get the delivery, closing the door behind him so no one passing by would see. 

 

His jealousy peaked at the thought of Vision maybe sliding through the wall and seeing her like that as he tipped the man and quickly set the food down in the kitchen, the smell of it assulting his nose, making the drooling worse. 

 

Tony almost forgot whether he needed to push or pull the door as he watched her standing there. His finger tips caressed her lower back as he went to the closet, stepping in, then back out with the bath bubbles. His chocolate eyes were trained on her, pupils blown out to large moonshaped circles, his blood rushing to his head. "Are you serious about me getting in with you? Because I'd really..."

 

Pepper crossed the room quickly and put a finger to his lips. She slowly started to turn loose his slacks, eyes not looking away from his. She really wanted the intimacy, the closeness. It was just a bath. She was sure he understood that part. She shifted up and kissed him again, unbuttoning his shirt, pulling the knot out if his tye, tossing his clothing to the floor until he was just as exposed as she was. Her cheeks flushed bright red. Slowly her lips went to his chest, to his scars, kissing around them gently as he stroked through her hair with his right hand and down her back with his left. 

 

"Mmm," was all he could manage. Speechless for once.  


	11. Stimulator

"Just watch this," Tony said, standing behind James, hooking tiny monitors to his body in places where skin was exposed. He shifted James' atrophied legs easily, with no fight against his movements. And Tony's eyes glazed over at that point. "I'm going to get you walking again. I promise." He said it quietly, almost lovingly.

 

"Tony, I already told you, this was my choice. You don't have to do all this..." Rhodey said, shaking his head. "I'd make it a million times over, " he tilted his head, those wise dark eyes wide and brilliant in the moment. The decision was comprehensive. "I knew one day-"

 

"That wasn't the last time you'll walk, so don't go there," Stark demanded, blinking. The wetness coated below his lower lids, making them shiny in the light. "Okay... now for the harness..."

 

Rhodes sighed, looking over at Pepper. He looked the opposite of hopeful. Something told Pepper this wasn't the first or last invention Tony had created since the accident. Pepper edged up out of the chair, standing beside Tony and touching his shoulder. 

 

The harness was rather crude so far besides the stimulator that had been in that box he'd picked up the day Pepper picked him up. Tony hadn't completely finished it off so he could still tinker if it needed it. He slowly helped James up, watching his face, then turned on the machine that would be powering the harness to allow tension in his muscles. 

 

"Okay, just like last time. It's going to tense when you tense the other muscles and relax when they do too..." Tony reminded.

 

"This shit might as well be a flux capacitor, Tony. I don't-" James started in protest but then stopped himself with an indignant sigh. "Okay, okay. Let's just... do this," he tilted his head.

 

Tony helped him at first, reminding him of how it worked. Then Rhodey managed on his own for about ten feet. Pepper stood by, hands over her mouth, breathing heavily, chest aching slightly. But at ten feet he fumbled, didn't remember to tense or relax or something, and James folded up like a paper doll. Pepper crouched next to him quickly, Tony too, making sure all of his bones were okay, even the ones he couldn't feel. Pepper met his eyes. "That was amazing," she said quietly.

 

James was breathing hard, a thin sweat over his chest. Be started to unhook himself, shaking his head. "Tony. This isn't going to work. It's never going to work." 

 

Tony tilted his head. "It will. It will. It just needs... I just need to-"

 

"Tony," Pepper edged. "Help me get him back into his chair."

 

Tony, looking like he'd just lost a puppy, lifted him from behind, carrying him easily back to the chair. He sat him down gently. "I'll figure out how to make it work better." He said quietly. "We can try again in a few weeks."

 

"What if I don't want to try again? " he bit quietly. 

 

"You can't give up, Rhodey." Tony blinked over at him.

 

"No, Tony," he started. "You're the one who can't give up. I'm tired. I'm going to go... take a nap." He wheeled himself toward the door. "See you soon, Pepper," he said, voice softening, before he disappeared.

 

Tony sat down in a chair, looking over the harness, pulling out a tiny screwdriver and adjusting things quickly. But Pepper saw past it. He was trying not to show how guilty he was feeling, or how upset he was that he failed. Slowly she walked behind his chair, wrapping her arms around him from behind. She laid her cheek against his own,  stroking his shoulder gently. "We should go for a walk," she said quietly. 

 

Tony turned to look at her. He dropped the harness to his lap. "This is my fault," he said quietly. "All of this was my fault."

 

Pepper shook her head no. "It's not. None of it is solely your fault. You always try to do what's right, to protect everyone that you can." Pepper nuzzled his cheek. "I know that about you. You always have good intentions."

 

Tony turned to look at her, meeting her eyes. He gave a sigh. "Thank you, Pepper," he said gently. 


	12. Clocks

"I don't think-"

 

"Right, but-"

 

"Yea, but-"

 

"Rhodey needs me. I don't-"

 

"No...." Tony let out a sigh, his frantic tone to his voice fading as he held a phone she'd never seen before to her ear. "Yes, you deserve a chance." 

 

Pepper curled in the minky pajamas he'd bought her, watching the conversation from the bed, curled up in a big parachute like quilt. She hadn't brushed her hair or taken her morning shower or changed her clothes or any of it. They had spent the morning in bed, just holding onto each other, just being close. 

 

"I get it. I do. But how do you know when you undo it, it'll be safe?" Tony asked, scrutinizingly. "Mmm. So that's where she is..."

 

There was a long silence and Tony locked eyes with Pepper, scratching the back of his neck. The look on his face lingered somewhere between deep thought and regret. So she looked away, laying back down, letting out a small sigh.

 

"I want to bring something back to you anyway. So you're right. I... I'll call you back in a few hours and let you know my flight plan," he sounded utterly defeated in a way, but also like this was necessary. "I haven't been in contact with Ross in months. I think it's safe." More silence. "Okay. Later..." then a click.

 

Tony slid onto the bed, judging by the weight. He curled next to her on top of the blanket, wrapping an arm around her. The weight of it calmed her chest from contracting. She let out a slow breath. "I know. You've got to go." She felt like the words were choking her, her throat was hot and tight around them. 

 

"I'll be back in a few days. Steve just... wants to talk things through..." he kissed the side of her head. "Natasha is there with information. They think they can... there are things I still haven't told you..." he felt his own chest clench. His mom. The monster that murdered his mom. He stroked Pepper's upper arm. "There are things I have to... to face. Or else it's not going to get better," he muttered softly.

 

Pepper rolled over to look at him. She met his eyes, hand going up to trace his chest gently. "I wish you'd tell me," she said quietly. "If you tell me, I'll tell you something you don't know that's been bothering me... it'll be like a trade." She nestled her freckled nose against his chest. 

 

Tony sighed. He pushed her hair back. "Promise?" he asked. "It has to be something serious. Not like something little."

 

She nodded. Pepper looked up at him, shifting so her head rested on her hand, arm bent under her, propping. "I'll try to make it equal value," she gave a half smile. "What happened between you and Cap?"

 

Tony shifted too. He took a deep breath and rolled onto his back, hand up on his already tightening chest. He closed his eyes,  trying to breathe correctly. "So... remember James Barnes? From the UN bombing?"

 

Pepper nodded. "Yea. I remember."

 

"He didn't do it. And I was wrong." Tony took a deep breath, and it seemed to hitch over every rib. "I met up with Cap and Barnes, to help bring in the guy who did, to clear Steve and James' name..." Tony's body started to tremble. He felt Pepper's hand stroking his chest and he tried hard to calm down. "He was from Sokovia... he lost his wife, his son, his dad... at least that's what T'Challa said... the guy who planned this... this thing. We got there and he showed these surveillance videos... from my parents' car crash..."

 

Pepper leaned over him more, gently stroking his collar bone. She blinked, "I'm so sorry," she said softly.

 

"That's not the worst part," he continued after a minute, voice crackling.  "They crashed into a tree. And Barnes... Barnes beat my dad's head in with his metal arm. And my mom was bleeding in the front seat... and he went around and... wrapped his hand around her throat..." Tony's eyes glazed and he quickly turned away from Pepper. "I couldn't handle it. I... I started to... it was blind rage. And I tore off his arm. And Steve turned on me." Tony looked up. "He turned on me. And left me there to... to protect the guy who murdered my parents. Not just my dad. If it was just my dad... maybe I could... could cope with that. Job risk. He was transporting super soldier serum, which... it was a dumb idea. But my mom..." Tony choked. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "He just... he strangled her and..."

 

Pepper leaned down and kissed his forhead. "I'm so sorry, Tony," she rubbed his chest and curled in close to him, "all these years..."

 

"Steve wants to explain what they did to Barnes, how HYDRA and other factions controlled him. I... I owe it to him. I took away the shield. And I need to give it back and... I need to... to let myself heal," he looked her over, and slowly wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer as his chest unclenched. "I need to accept things and move past them. It's just so hard sometimes." He held her in tight. And he started to cry.

 

Pepper let him squeeze her like a teddy bear, cuddling him back, almost encouraging the tears. He needed to grieve, to mourn. She suddenly understood him throwing himself into repairing Rhodes' spine. If he could fix that, he could fix this. But there really wasnt a way to fix either thing. She ran her fingers through his hair, kissing him where she could. And letting him sob. 

 

When he could finally pull himself together, he did. And he pulled her on top of his hips, watching her face. He felt her fingers gently rub away the tears he had left and took her hand in his, kissing each knuckle gently. "It's your turn," he reminded her gently, resting her hand against his mouth.

 

Pepper took a deep breath, watching his eyes. "Mine isn't like that," she said softly. 

 

He gave a half frown. "I'm glad. Because I'd probably kill someone if they hurt you like that," he said, taking her other hand too. "Tell me..."

 

Pepper frowned. "I... I want a baby," she said softly. "And I'm terrified I'll never..."

 

Tony sat up, brows furrowed inward. "A baby? You want to... to have..."

 

Pepper looked away with a half of a laugh. "Yea, crazy, right? " she said quickly. "Biological clock and all that. Stupid, really..."

 

Tony rubbed her back with one hand, turning her chin with the other. "Hey... no... not stupid..." he blinked up. Tony rubbed her cheek. "I just... I always thought... when did you start wanting..."

 

"After that virus," she said softly. "After your surgery I thought that maybe... maybe you'd want to try to have a family since your health was better," she shifted. "But we never talked about it, so... it just started to eat at me and I never wanted to tell you," she blinked up. "But every time I see a baby... I just..."

 

He nodded and scratched the back of his neck again. He pressed his forhead to her's. "You know... in order to... we have to..."

 

Pepper sighed, meeting his eyes. She bit her lower lip and chewed a minute. "Does that mean you... you want?"

 

He kissed her nose gently. "I'm terrified of having kids. Always have been. What if I turn out like my dad... or if I'm worse than that and legitimately don't care..." he met her eyes. "I'd love to have a family, don't get me wrong. But I don't want to be a giant disappointment."

 

Pepper tilted her head. "Do you think I'd let you get away with it?" she asked.

 

He rubbed her shoulders, watching her melt into him. "No... not you... not ever." He kissed the side of her hair, then down her neck beneath her ear. "So... should we start trying? How does this work?"

 

Pepper sighed. She curled in to him as he kissed, her arms going around him and fingers tracing his back just barely. "You go see Steve and think about it for a bit, and come back knowing if you want what I want... that's how it works..."

 

Tony nibbled and felt her squirm into him as she giggled. He gave a little laugh. "Okay. I'll think about it... while I'm gone will you think about moving in?" He asked, leaning back to meet her eyes.

 

She nodded and leaned up, meeting his lips sweetly. "Deal."


	13. Terrible Accident

Pepper went to work and came home to James Rhodes every day. It wasn't so bad, really. Vision avoided her, she hadn't even caught a glimpse of him since she'd been there. She took the time James was sleeping to go through the drawers if stuff Tony had gotten for her. By a few things, he meant a normal sized wardrobe of various items. She'd estimate that it was about a quarter of what she already had in her apartment. As she was going through all of the drawers finally, she got a call from Tony. Quickly she swiped to answer.

 

"Hey," she said softly.

 

"Hey," he answered. "What are you up to?" 

 

"Just looking through this dresser... did you really think I needed this much?" she asked with a little scoff.

 

"Hey, don't go in the bottom drawer yet... but yes. I figured you'd do better with some work stuff, some home stuff, some warmer stuff..." he sighed on his end. "You never know..."

 

"The bottom drawer?" She asked, brows raising. She put her hand on the handle.

 

"Yea, don't go in there yet... that was... I don't know what it was... oversight. Don't. ..."

 

"My hands on the handle. Want to tell me what's in there?" She asked, smirk in her voice.

 

"Pepper, don't. Please?" he bit his lip and breathed out like he did when he was about to be in trouble. 

 

"One."

 

"C'mon..." he whined.

 

"Two..."

 

"Pep...please don't..." he begged.

 

"Three."

 

He heard the drawer scrape open and sucked in hard. "Okay. I can explain. I was on this site. Looking for bras. Because you need them. And there was... there was a terrible accident where I... I got carried away and before I knew it... I couldn't stop it from happening." He sighed. "It was like an out of body experience. My whole... whole cart was full of...of..."

 

Pepper eyed the lacey, satiny, silky contents of the drawer, eyes wide. She pulled a garter belt out by its clasp, blinking at it in front of her face. "Full of lingerie, Tony? Why would I ever need this much of nothing? It covers... nothing!" She coughed, pulling out a blue crotchless, buttless underwear. She blinked three times at it before putting it down.

 

"Hey, some of it's nice. Like... the nightgowns in there... they're... mmm." He sighed. "I told you. It was an accident."

 

Pepper sighed. "An accident you ripped the tags off of and folded?" She asked, arching a brow. 

 

"You know... I just... I couldn't stop..." he said quietly.

 

"Mmm..." she pushed the drawer closed. "Don't worry. I'll figure out what to do with it," she answered, leaving the dresser and laying across the bed with a sigh. "How's it going over there?"

 

"It's... going. I understand a little better," he sucked in a deep breath, still sounding wounded.

 

"You okay?" she asked quietly. "Do you need me to... to come get you or?"

 

Tony sighed. "No. It's just... I get it. But I still feel so mad sometimes. But Steve looks good. And Barnes is in cryo. Nat is... well... Nat." He snorted.

 

"I miss having her as my assistant. You should talk her into coming to lay low," she joked, rolling over on her side and smelling his side of the blanket. 

 

"Mmm. Maybe." He shifted in the background. "She seems to want to go and explore some parts of her childhood or something. Keeps talking about going back to Russia with Steve." He jittered his leg.

 

"Small talking, hmm?" she asked, with a grin.

 

"Uh, well... in a way. Just... I don't feel..." Tony paused.

 

"Feel?" She prompted.

 

"I don't feel right being here," he said softly. "But, it is kind of cute though... Cap keeps telling me parts of his past with Barnes... I don't know. It makes me realize that I... I'm lucky to have you."

 

Pepper froze, listening to him.

 

 "I mean, two decades almost... even if we weren't together for the first part of it. You were still there. My closest... closest thing to a friend that wasn't AI." He went quiet. "Just... thank you for that." 

 

Pepper swallowed. "Don't thank me... I didn't pick it. It just happened," she said quietly. "Are you sure you're okay?"

 

"Yes," he said. "I just... really miss my mom. And... you know... I think you would have liked her," he answered in a kind of choked voice.

 

"Tony..." she said softly. "It's okay... if you need to you can... you don't have to be strong all the time," Pepper rolled onto her stomach, wrapping in the blanket. 

 

"I just... I miss you," he managed.

 

She bit her lower lip. "Do you want me to come to you?" she asked.

 

"Steve said I should have brought you." He paused. "And Rhodey. And Vision." He sighed. "I still think Barnes is dangerous in a way. I tried to explain that neurologically, unless... extreme measures are taken... he's going to relapse eventually. Especially reading through what Natasha supplied."

 

"Extreme measures... like... you're not thinking about that virus, are you? " her heart started to beat loudly into her ears like a drum.

 

"No. No. No," he said quickly. "Like. I'm talking vegetable. I'll explain more in person."

 

Pepper nodded. "Okay. If you know when you'll be home... I finished my end of year up today... I can... take off. Maybe we can take James and go somewhere..." she rubbed her eyes.

 

"How'd we finish?" he asked.

 

"Positive. Not as big marginally because of the first quarter but we caught up," she answered. "We have room for about a thousand new staff positions."

 

"Sweet." He smiled and rolled over. "Can you create an intern position for Peter Parker for me?" he asked.

 

"Already done." She gave a little yawn.

 

"Mmm. Don't do that... it's contagious," he yawned back.

 

She snorted. "Mmm. Wish you were here."

 

He took a deep breath. "Me, too. Next time you can come though," he said, his voice low. "There's a waterfall, Pep. All these exotic flowers... I'm waiting to explore it until you're with me."

 

"Mmm. Sounds pretty." She bit her lower lip. 

 

"I'll be back tomorrow evening. I made some dinner reservations for us." He went quiet a moment. "You should wear that dark green cocktail dress," he said.

 

"Oh. Okay." She blinked, rolling over to look at the closet. "With the matching pumps?"

 

"Yea," he answered. "I'll pick you up at my door at six," he smiled. 

 

"Okay... what about..." 

 

"No worrying," he said. "Everything is taken care of."

 

"Right. I'll see you then."

 

"Hey, Pepper..." he said, voice low again. "I love you."

 

She smiled. "I love you, too," she answered quietly. "Goodnight."

 

"Goodnight."

 

She didn't go to bed though. Instead She started trying on some of the less risqué pieces from that bottom drawer, taking pictures in the mirror, mischievous smirk taking front and center in most of them. 

 

Her phone rang again. "I thought you were going to bed," he said, sounding quite frustrated. 

 

"I am... in this I think... it's comfy." She sat back on the bed with a laugh.

 

"Grrr. You... I... " he sounded exasperated. "You have no clue what you did..."

 

"Oh? It was a terrible accident," she joked, laying back.

 

"Mmm. Are you really  going to bed?"

 

"Now I am..." she answered. "You're cute when you're frustrated..." she smirked. "I'll see you tomorrow evening."

 

"Yep." He sighed. "Goodnight. I love you."

 

"I love you, too."

 


	14. Fireworks

"I want to move in," Pepper said quietly, settling the napkin over her lap, adjusting it, looking at it for an extended time. She glanced back up, tilting her head. "But... not in separate rooms. I want us again. It's no better when you're not in my life. I'm still too attached. It doesn't make sense to theoretically start over."

 

Tony nodded, trying not to smile or say 'I told you so' because being arrogant wouldn't do in the moment. He half expected if he was to say something along those lines, that she'd cause a scene and storm off. He shifted in his chair, readjusting nervously. "Right. So we'll get a moving company... move you in... some furniture might have to go to the Miami house, but we can figure it out and make arrangements for that..." 

 

Pepper snorted. "Okay." She took a deep breath watching his brain work, knowing he was calculating, remembering what she had in her place and what she didn't. After a long moment she touched his hand on top of the table with her own. "We can work out the details later."

 

"I know, I know. I just," he met her eyes and let out a sigh. "Okay. I'll worry about it later," he said. 

 

The meal was served on the empty balcony and she let his hand go, sipping her glass of wine and gently cutting her crabcake so it could cool. She watched him enjoying his steak a moment, noticing his tye matched her dress, and the way he chewed. Her smile drew the corners of her eyes toward her temples. 

 

He stopped chewing after a few bites and met her eyes. "So I was thinking, too," he said. 

 

She nodded and gently forked a bite into her mouth, chewing slowly, lips closed tight, like a lady. 

 

"You know..." he took another bite, chewing and talking like he did when he was nervous. "So, all this stuff... I keep trying to fix everything. And when I'm intentionally trying... it seems like it all falls apart..." he finished that bite. "You know, there are some things I can fix. I can help fix. But I need to start organizing the problems in my head I think." He took another bite of steak.

 

She nodded. "Sounds familiar," she smirked, taking another bite. 

 

"Yea, yea. I know. I told you so," he smiled, with a laugh at the irony. He took another bite. "My mom and dad..." he took a deep breath. "I went to Wakanda to hear Steve out. But all I could think about was you. You know, I've seen things, Pepper. Things you can't unsee. But... there's something..." he took a deep breath. "This all sounded good in my head. Give me a second."

 

She giggled and nodded. "Take your time," she gently took another swallow of wine, then another bite of her food. 

 

"You know, seeing my mom... that was  bad. And seeing my fr- family," he looked to the left a moment. Pepper's eyes followed his to James in his wheelchair at a table nearby. He waved and she quickly looked away. "Seeing them get hurt, that's bad too. But when Killian took you, when I think about you possibly..." he choked. "That's not quite right either." He took a deep breath and pushed back in his chair a moment.

 

"Just relax..." she said softly, looking up finally with flushed cheeks. "Think it through in your head," she blinked. The false lashes were starting to feel heavy.

 

"That's the thing that's so frustrating," he said with a one bounce laugh. "I can literally talk my way out of almost anything else. I can tell you about the things I've seen, I can do interviews with anyone on TV, and I can talk to people in political offices without breaking a sweat. I can explain to tens of thousands of people at expos what my inventions do, how things work. But when I try to tell you how I feel about you... it all gets jumbled up and I end up sounding like... like a little kid who wants a teddy bear." He shook his head and looked down at his lap. "I can show you. I can think of ways I've shown you before. I know you can too... when you aren't angry with me..." he looked up, wetting his lips. 

 

Pepper nodded. "Like when you gave me your armor so I wouldn't get hurt," she offered gently, knowingly. She was always particularly articulate. She never quite realized just how uncomfortable he was talking to her about how he felt. Digesting it, she decided to be more patient when she could. This was a good conversation.

 

Tony took a deep breath and puffed out his chest, tilting his head. "Yea, like that." He closed his eyes, lashes grazing his cheek a moment, then looked back up at her. "But I practiced this. In the mirror. At least thirty times this morning alone. It's just not coming out right right now." He let out another sigh. 

 

She sort of shifted in her seat. Thirty times? Why so many? He must be getting ready to say something really important. She put her fork down, chewing her lower lip a moment. "Pretend I'm not here..."

 

"That's the problem." Tony stood up. He took a deep breath and looked toward Rhodey again. In the distance, fireworks started to go off on a roof top. Pepper looked up at them, like he'd assumed she would and Tony got his opportunity to drop onto one knee. When she looked back, her mouth had dropped open, eyes wide, and he could see the reflection of the bursts of light in them. "Pepper. I don't want to do this without you ever again. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. The thought of you... anything but happy... it sends me straight into an overwhelming panic. I want to make you happy. Every day. For the rest of our lives." He pulled out a ring box and opened it. 

 

Pepper stood up and he could see the tears in her eyes. She wiped under her lid, trying to remember how to breathe, how to be alive. Her heart started to race and soon she couldn't stop the tears from falling down her cheeks. She took a deep breath.

 

"Will you be my wife?" He asked, voice sounding gravely. He watched her nod. He gave a sigh of relief then a snort. "I can't hear you," he singsonged, smirking. 

 

"Yes," she choked, with a little laugh. 

 

He smiled. Slowly he put the box away, taking her hand, and slid the ring onto her finger. He kissed the top of it before letting go, watching her face all the while. "I don't know why I thought including my dead parents or my rampant overwhelming anxiety in that sounded like a good idea when I was alone." He gave a one bounce chuckle.

 

She offered him a hand up, and was gracious when he wrapped her into him, shielding her tear streaked face from Rhodey's camera. The fireworks were still going off in the distance as he swayed gently with her to music that wasn't there, covering the top of her head in kisses and stroking her back gently. 

 

He smirked again. "I knew the minute I saw you in thos crotchless, buttless panties," he joked.

 

"Naw uh," she laughed, looking up at him with the biggest smile.

 

"Yup. That's when I knew. I went out... got the ring," he smiled at her. "No. I knew when Steve was talking about the things with Barnes and all I could talk about was you," he leaned down and kissed her forhead, before holding her in again. "So... the next part is up to you. I'd like to be a little more traditional about it. Wedding then baby. Mostly because your cousin Billy is a big big guy and he's pretty good with his shotgun. I saw that video with the cantelope on Facebook and I mean... don't want him to think it's a shotgun wedding or anything..." he smirked.

 

Pepper threw her head back and looked at him with a shake of her head. "You're unbelievable. But... we can get married first. Are you sure about the baby?"

 

He went a bit stiff and watched her eyes. "That's the second most scary thing to me... but..." he nodded. "Yea. I want you to have my baby. I don't want kids in general, but I want them with you... that probably sounds wrong. The only way," he stopped and held her shoulders a moment. "The only way I want kids is if they're our kids. That sounds better..."

 

She shook her head amd then curled back into him again with a laugh and a sigh. "The fireworks?" 

 

"Vision. Rhodey's idea. He's known since I did." He grinned at her. "You can't beat him though. He's handicapped now and that's bad for the company image," he joked. 

 

Pepper sighed. "What am I going to do with you...."

 

Tony smirked. "Apparently you're going to marry me..."

 

She smiled and leaned up to meet his lips gently. "Apparently I'm more crazy than we originally thought."


	15. Too Different Things

"Mom... this wedding is a PR nightmare," Pepper said softly, sitting in the living room beside her, both women with a glass of wine in hand. It was odd, Pepper's posture. She was curled into the older woman's side like a little kid, touching her at all points.

 

"I don't know how you'd think it wouldn't be," the older woman laughed. 

 

Rhodes chimed in with a snort, "Right. It's not like you're marrying Steve Rogers. It's Tony..."

 

"Yea, no one would believe it's Tony's wedding without a scandal or two..." her mom piped up.

 

"Or seven..." added James with a laugh.

 

Pepper sighed, blinking up at them. "But the company... we keep taking profit hits... I'm so afraid it's going to drop us completely..." she ran a hand through her hair.

 

"Oh, Virginia." Her mom shook her head. "Relax. It'll work out."

 

Pepper sighed, running her fingers through her hair again and untangling the strands that fell out from her fingers. She looked up. "But it's not just me that I'm worried for. We employ over 500,000 people directly. And that's just engineering, r&d, and the business and law departments ... that doesn't include human resources, maintenance, janitorial staff..." she took a deep breath. 

 

"Hey," Tony poked his head in, looking between the three. He heard Pepper spinning and decided to slip in. Her mom, he assumed, didn't like him much. "Pep... you okay?" he asked.

 

She stood up, breaking away from her mom, her heart starting to pound and chest rising and falling quickly. She took a deep breath, eyes watering, and nodded.

 

"Can we talk a minute? I had an idea of something that might... help the bad stuff coming out," he said softly, stepping into the room. "Maybe you two, Mrs. Potts and Rhodey," he nodded at both respectively. Obviously Tony was not in a great headspace. "Maybe you two can help..."

 

Pepper slowly inched toward him, leaning against his left side and nuzzling into his bicep. Immediately be wrapped his arm around her, protectively. She took a deep breath in, his heated scent relaxing her just enough to stave off the impending doom in her chest.

 

"Uhm... so." Tony leaned against the door frame, holding his soon to be wife against him gently. He was always afraid he'd hurt her when he touched her. She was a delicate little thing in his mind... which he'd never say out loud because it'd offend her. "All these bad headlines surfacing, I thought maybe I could create some good ones..." he pursed his lips. "So... I want to finish repairing the Mark 46... and possibly go visit some children's hospitals..." he looked down. "Donate some money... maybe even travel to a few places like Haiti and interact." 

 

Pepper frowned up at him. "But you literally hate that kind of thing," she said gently.

 

"I don't hate it but it makes me... uncomfortable." He tilted his head.

 

Pepper's mom spoke up. "Solid plans. But what if something goes wrong and it creates more bad press than good," she said.

 

"Right," Rhodey chimed in. "Like the suit malfunctions or you spot some thing going on and decide to save the day..." he rolled his eyes. 

 

"I won't. I can't. We both signed that accord." Tony blinked up.

 

"Which was bullshit, by the way," Pepper popped in, finishing up her glass. "I get why you did it but it doesn't mean it was written right the first time through. Should've thrown it through our legal team and negotiated it," she shook her head. "Anyway. Yea. Follow the rules and it should be fine... should help..." 

 

Tony nodded. He rubbed his hands over Pepper's arms, kissing the top of her head gently. He felt guilty. There were so many stories from women circulating those tabloids and he felt so much remorse for the way he used to be. "I'm still thinking of other ways to turn it around too. I got asked to go on a few talk shows again. I'm... nervous," his hesitation to admit it was obviously a sign that he was admitting weakness. "Talking about the wedding so far has just gotten me tongue tied."

 

Pepper nodded. "I can help you rehearse some answers but it won't sound sincere," she said softly. She felt her eyes start to drift closed as her muscles loosened against him. His bare skin on his arms on her bare skin just continued her unwinding. 

 

Pepper's mom stood up first, stretching. She could tell her daughter was tired. She finished her wine and took the glass before stopping in front of the other strawberry blond. "Hey, goodnight, baby girl. I love you." She pulled Pepper in and rubbed her back when Tony reluctantly let go. 

 

When they were alone, Pepper watching him as he laid across the bed scrawling a to do list to fix the armor, she took a deep breath. "There's one definite problem with this plan," she said, biting her lower lip.

 

"What's that?" He asked, not looking up.

 

"The press isn't attacking Ironman... it's attacking Tony Stark..." she answered, tilting her head, drying her hair with a towel. 

 

"I am Ironman," he answered, shaking his head. "We're the same thing..."

 

"Maybe to you." Pepper took off her sweat pants before climbing onto the bed, shifting closer to him. 

 

Tony sighed. "What then?" he asked, looking over her, closing his book and shoving it aside, pulling her closer and planting a kiss awkwardly on her hair. He curled his body around hers, weaving his left thigh between her bare legs, his right arm under her and left over her. 

 

"Visit the hospitals as Tony." She shifted into him, filling the gaps.

 

He traced little shapes on her upper arm. "No one wants to meet me," he snorted.

 

Pepper sighed. "Show up in the armor, but visit the kids as yourself, not the suit. "

 

He kissed her cheek. "Mmm. I'll think about it."


	16. Expiration Dates

Pepper sat in the lobby, turning the ring over and over in her hand, waiting for him. She could hear the excited murmur outside, the press in and out of the echoing hall clinking around in dress shoes. The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia was one of the best pediatric centers in the country, and it was close to home. So that's where they'd chosen to start.

 

Her body lurched and she stood up as she heard the murmur turn into a sea of squeals and screams, watching flashes go off and an ocean of hands wave in the air as Tony landed on one bent knee beside the owner of the hospital and the governor. But unlike many of his previous visits to places like these, the retract of metal told her he had worn the suit she'd asked him to. 

 

"His suit's off. Off. Look," one of the photographers inside said with an astonished blink.

 

Pepper took a deep breath, lingering by the wall. She tucked her longer bangs behind her ear, taking deep breaths, listening to Tony talk about the company, about the research they were doing that could benefit the kids in the hospital, and then he presented a check. The easy stuff to coach him on. She smiled as they escorted him inside moments later, clapping and whistling and hooting from the crowd outside, but stayed by the wall, just watching as he was swarmed with pictures. 

 

It wasn't long before he headed in her direction, standing out amongst the suited men in his AC/DC shirt, sneakers and jeans, slowly gathering her hand into his. She flushed, and looked down as he kissed the back of her hand, tugging her closer. He even looked out of place beside her, her pumps echoing off the tile floor beside his rubber soles. 

"How was that?" He asked quietly. "Because I really hope it was okay. It's really weird but I can feel my heart beating in my ears. I had this whole daydream kind of thing while I was flying over here that I took off the suit and some crazy guy all hopped up on on Soldier Serum jumped up at the podium..." he finally took a breath. "Standing up there I was just looking for him the whole time and I don't even know what I said. Maybe we should science it up..."

 

Pepper squeezed his hand gently, brows lifted. She pulled his arm into her and hugged it, feeling how moist he actually was, how hot. She could hear his heart pounding and could feel his pulse in her hand. "You did fine. Better than fine, even," she said gently. "Relax. The hard part is over..."

 

Tony smiled down at her after a moment, taking a deep breath, and pulling her closer. He kissed the top of her head, just enjoying the quiet that holding her brought him. Everything slipped away after a second, and his hands slid through her strawberry blonde pony tail, caressing the silky strands between his fingers. "Mmm. Let's go see some kids," he said quietly after a moment. 

 

Pepper nodded, sliding back beside him as they headed after the hospital Director. She barely listened to what was being said, already distracted by every child who was in sight. She held Tony's hand tighter, her ovaries whispering to one another. 

So far things went smoothly. Tony spent some time in each room and actually seemed to sort of relax, enjoying the excitement of little faces lighting up although he didn't really know what to say. He'd ask who their favorite Avenger was, their favorite colors or foods, and hoped they'd fire back a few mundane questions. Most of the time they did. Sometimes they just wanted to talk about The Avengers, which made his anxiety peak in some cases. 

 

It was getting dark out when they rounded on the last room. And Tony had had a lot of mini panic attacks. The room belonged to a little boy named Michael. Entering, machines were beeping and he lay in his bed, oxygen tubes coming out of his nose, wearing a Captain America hat on his bald head. Pepper stopped by the hall that lead to the door, unsure, watching. 

 

"Mikey... hey... someone is here to see you," said his mother, before getting out of her chair and going to stand by Pepper. 

 

Michael perked up, dark eyes searching. Tony stepped closer to the bed and gave a small half smile. "Hey, Mike. It's nice to meet you," he said quietly, holding out his hand to shake. He was met with icy fingers, blue nail beds. And he held on for a moment.

 

"Iron Man?" asked a weak little voice.

 

Tony nodded. "I'm Tony Stark."

 

Pepper's eyes got big as the little 6 year old, skin and bones in a hospital gown, hopped up out of bed, throwing off his oxygen, and hopped onto Tony, holding him tight in a hug. She watched Tony embrace him, his reflection in the security mirror looking utterly confused on what to do. Slowly he found space for his hands, starting to breath again. 

 

Michael started to cough, but held tight to Tony's shirt, gripping him. "I knew you'd come." He coughed again. "I asked my nurse if one of the Avengers would come meet me before my time was up," he said softly, coughing again. "And now you're here."

 

His voice got quieter each time he spoke and coughed and so Pepper slowly moved closer, untangling some of the oxygen line and creating a long enough lead that Tony could hold him while he wore it. She worked it over his hat and came around behind him, helping him adjust it back into his nose gently. "There we go, buddy..." 

 

Tony's voice was low as he sat on the bed holding Michael. And Michael spilled his entire life of struggling with cancer to him. He didn't really have to talk at all, just hold him and listen. And Pepper watched his eyes fill as Michael touched his chest. "I'm so happy that your surgery worked, not like mine. The world needs you to be Iron Man," Michael said quietly. "And I'm really glad I got to meet you because it's almost my last day..."

 

Tony blinked up, meeting his dark brown eyes. "Last day?"

 

Michael nodded. "About a month ago they gave me two weeks. I think they were off, but it's any day now..."

 

Pepper slowly embraced his mother, her dark hair obviously recently starting to gray, as she started to not be able to hold back her sobs. She bit her lower lip and chewed, trying to be strong and comfort the other woman but feeling like she might lose her own composure. 

 

"Michael... that doesn't mean... people don't have expiration dates... you might not..." Tony's voice was still low and soothing,  but it took work. He was choking. 

 

"I know but... I mean... if I go, it's okay really. I know I'll go to Heaven. I'm in a trial for a medicine actually that your company made. Maybe that's why I'm still here, maybe you're saving me and we just don't know it yet, " Michael said, smiling big. He tilted his head up at the man. "Hey... don't cry. It's okay," he said softly again, wiping beneath Tony's eyes. "Will you maybe sign my poster and take a picture with me if you don't mind?" 

 

Tony leaned into his hand, taking a deep, sobered breath. "Of course. Of course I will." He blinked. "As long as someone takes the picture for my phone too. Because I think I just met my hero..." he unclipped the Stark Phone with one hand and tossed it to Pepper. 

 

They took photos and Tony signed the poster and tucked Michael back into his bed when he didn't have the energy to sit up any more.  He sat beside him though, holding his hand. "How about this... I'm going to talk to some of my friends. I'll see if I can't get a few more autographs on your poster." He stroked the back of his hand with his thumb. "And I'm going to finish visiting kids like you and trying to work out a way that's more efficient to make you better. Okay? Don't give up. No more last day talk."

 

Michael nodded. "Guess I kinda have to keep fighting if I'm your hero," he said with a small laugh.

 

Tony nodded. "Keep fighting. I'll try to come back next week and see you again... maybe I'll bring War Machine with me..."

 

Michael grinned. "It's a date."

 

Phone numbers were exchanged, and Tony silently hugged himself walking beside Pepper on his way to the Director's office, his breathing off and eyes still tearing up. He sent a few texts to the others after a few moments. Then something caught his eye in one of the Research and Development rooms and without permission, he just let himself in, stroking his chin. 

 

Pepper realized he was gone a few feet ahead and doubled back to find him just staring at a white board. She grabbed his arm. "Tony, come on... we can't be in here."

 

"Hold on..." he said quietly, obviously still thinking inside his head, reasoning something out. Quickly he drew out his phone and his stylus, jotting notes on a screen, and walking away from the room with Pepper.

 


	17. Not The Same

Pepper sighed as she unbuttoned her dress clothes, hardly able to wait to pull the uncomfortable fabrics from her body. Fashion had been a passion of her own once, but as she got older her fascination faded. She longed for the days where she wasn't meeting with so many big wigs of companies and didn't need to look so intimidatingly business minded. She was business minded, and could talk the talk, but as a woman running such a large industrial company that ranged in so many different products and breeched new frontiers monthly, she had to look the part to be taken seriously. 

 

Finally free of the dog and pony show attire, she pulled on a more comfortable, breathable set of clothing, slid her tiek flats on, and took a deep breath. 

 

She needed to intervene again. 

 

Tony had spent most of his time in the lab or at the hospital. Rhodes took to going along with him, Vision even visited. At some point so had most of the others besides Wanda and Steve. But Steve sent a photo and a three page letter and Wanda had called Michael and scheduled a date when she could be in town.  

 

As the wedding drew closer, the weight had dropped off of her, and her dress had to repeatedly be taken in in order to stay up. Her mom had started to cook more Southern meals, trying to fatten her, but Pepper just couldn't find a way to keep from stressing. Contracts were renewed and renegotiated successfully so far, but she felt she was losing control in other places. 

 

Slowly she slipped down to the lab in the lower level of the home, knocking on the door gently, one hip jutted. It was locked. No answer. She knocked again, louder. Still no answer. On the third knock she called out, "Tony..."

 

Her voice was irritated. And she couldn't help it. Slowly the air pressure door opened for her and she walked in, hearing the click of the lock behind her. That was new. She took a deep breath and looked around. 

 

Expo marker everywhere. Any glass surface had expo marker in different colors mapping formulas and chemical names scrawling across walls and even the ceiling when she peered up. Her heart started to pound, her body tensing. She felt her capillaries change, some losing blood and others filling over capacity. Her face was hot, her hands balled into fists and she was dizzy. Breathing took thought. 

 

And there he was, at the end of it all, still writing, muttering to himself. He was paling from the color he'd gained back, his hair was rumpled, his face grown in, and he'd lost weight already. The skin around his eyes was dark. 

 

"Tony..." she started.

 

He put one finger up, not even looking at her, still writing. The marker squeaked. 

 

"Tony..." she said again after a moment.

 

He was still writing, his head moving back and forth, talking out loud as he started to climb on a bench to reach a new level of plexiglass wall, starting at the top and writing downwards.

 

Pepper took a deep breath, tilting her head and examining three cages in the corner. Lab rats. Her breathing picked up and she felt like she might faint. 

 

"What're they for?" She asked, sounding confused. "What're you doing? Why are you writing on the walls? What's going on with you?  Tony..." 

 

He sighed, turning around, watching her a moment, before starting to write again. "I created a thing and I think I have it perfected but FRIDAY will tell me in a minute if it's okay so I can inject it into those rats and see if it helps and..."

 

"Tony... what?" Pepper blinked. "What thing? What is this? I haven't seen you in like... a week and a half. What Thing?" She asked, stomping her foot. 

 

"A thing. Kind of like a virus..." he answered. "But a good one. One that repairs -"

 

Pepper's face paled. She leaned back against a desk near her and her chest started to tighten. "You didn't... tell me you didn't..."

 

"I... uh... didn't what?" he asked, watching her a moment, rubbing the nape of his neck.

 

"Tell me you didn't recreate that virus. I know you had to have some to make the Antivirus but please tell me you killed it afterwards and tell me that's not what this is and..." she started to hyperventilate and her knuckles turned white on the edge of the desk. 

 

"It's not the same. It's different. Revamped. Same principle idea but..." he started writing again.

 

"Are you KIDDING me?" She yelled, watching him. "Are you... it's not April Fool's Day. Is this a JOKE?" Pepper felt her chest crank tighter and she had to stand straighter to keep breathing. "This. Is. Not. Okay."

 

Tony kept writing. He reached another place to stop and hopped down, wandering closer to her. "Hey... hey. It's not like that. It's not the same thing, Pep... I promise... if I can get it to work then Rhodey will be able to walk again and Bucky can get his brain fixed and maybe Michael won't... won't die," he managed. He slowly reached out to try to hold her.

 

Pepper shoved away from him, ducking under the desk and back toward the door. "You saw what that did to me, Tony... I killed someone, Tony. And you're going to recreate that virus? And... hand it out?" She choked. "This is ethically not okay on any level," she managed, her throat tightening. "What are you thinking? "

 

"Pepper... cmon..." Tony tilted his head.

 

"No," she glowered. "No. This is the worst idea you've had since..."

 

"Pep... shhhh. It's not like-"

 

"Since you took that stone-"

 

"Pepper, this is totally different. It could save a lot of lives..."

 

"That's what you said about Ultron!" She yelled, clutching her temples. "Oh my God. I just can't believe you'd DO this!" She started to massage in circles. 

 

"Do what? Try to make a medicine to save-"

 

"TONY!" She slammed her fist on the desk with each word. "This. Is. A. Virus. Not. A. Medicine."

 

"There are good viruses out there, Pepper... good bacteria too... and mold."

 

Pepper closed her eyes trying to breathe. "I'm... I can't..." she coughed to clear her throat. "Erase it."

 

"No. I worked really hard-"

 

"Erase it." She repeated.

 

"-to get it right and-"

 

"Erase. It. Now." 

 

"I finally have a working prototype and I just want to test it-"

 

"Tony..." she sobbed, eyes wet, face paling. "Please. Please, erase it."

 

"Not before I test it on the rats." He watched her. "I need this to work. I need it. I need my family back together and to do that I need Rhodey to walk again and Bucky's skull to not be full of scrambled eggs, Pep..."

 

Pepper pursed her lips, biting them together and turned away, heading toward the doors. They didn't open. "Let me go," she whined.

 

Tony shook his head no. "You're upset. Not until I'm able to calm you down."

 

"I need to get away from you right now," she said, taking a deep breath. She felt his hand on her back, gently, his other turning her around. "I can't..."

 

Tony pulled her body gently against his, stroking her back. She wasn't fighting to get away. In fact, she kind of went limp against him. "Shhhh. I know it's scary. But I'll explain it to you and show you that it's not the same thing." He laid his cheek against her head. "Is this... instead of letting you walk away... what you need?" he asked quietly.

 

Pepper hid her face in his chest. He lead her to the couch and tugged her into his lap and she let him. She nestled into his neck and shoulder, arms wrapped around his back, body shaking. Her chest started to loosen, her lungs to work correctly. But the crying didn't stop right away. He rubbed her back and held her, just letting her cry. 

 

"Pep... it's okay. I wouldn't do what they did to you to someone else. I promise." He gently scratched between her shoulder blades. "Just let me show you how this is different, okay? And I'll lock the lab for a few days. If you still don't agree, I promise, I'll stop."

 

She leaned back, wiping her eyes. She sniffled a bit and gave him a small nod. 


	18. Cake!

"Soooo. What're we doing today?" Tony asked, pouring himself another cup of coffee. He stirred, clinking the metal against the mug, on his way to the breakfast nook across from her, looking a little better than he did when she pulled him out of his lab a week ago. 

 

"Cake testing. It's all that's left," she said quietly. "At least unless something goes wrong," she amended. Slowly she reached across the table to hold his hand, gently stroking with her thumb. 

 

"Mmm. Cake..." he smirked. "Just us or..."

 

"Or?" she inquired, raising a brow.

 

"Is your mom coming?" he asked, squeezing her fingers. "Not that I mind, either way, just curious... you know... because..."

 

Pepper blinked at him a moment. "Just us... unless you want to bring James or Vision... mom is exploring the city again today," she answered, taking another sip. 

 

"Ooooh. Well... no. I think I'd like it to be just us." He shifted uncomfortably. "And afterwards, I think we'll go on an adventure," he said quietly. 

 

"I don't have time for adventures, Tony. I have ten meetings over the next five days," she answered. "I'm swamped."

 

"It's okay. Because three rescheduled. You have nothing until Wednesday now. So that leaves today, tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday open..." 

 

"Tony... what did you do?" she asked, tilting her head.

 

"Nothing. I just... you know... maybe suggested..." he started.

 

"Suggested? Tony, these are some of our most important contracts! You can't just... just call them and say..." she stood up, feeling her head start to throb behind her eye. 

 

"But I can, and I did," he said, with a shrug.

 

She rubbed her temple in a circular motion, trying to breath. "That's so irresponsible... I can't believe you..."

 

"It's not, Pep..." Tony stood up, his hand going to her hip gently. "You're stressed. Really stressed. You need a few days to just get away..."

 

"Of course I'm stressed. I expected to be stressed. We're planning a wedding and it's the start of a new fiscal year and it's new hire season and my mom's in town and my fiancé is duplicating a virus that..."

 

"Hey, hey," he said softly, turning her frame by her hips to meet her eyes. "I'm not. Not without your okay. I want to explain that to you too, while we're away, " he said softly. 

 

Pepper took a deep breath and met his eyes. She tried to recenter herself, her hands going to his. "Okay... where are we going?"

 

"It's a surprise," he said quietly.

 

"How am I supposed to pack if I don't know-"

 

"I already took care of that.  I took care of all of it,  actually..." he gently slid a hand around to her lower back, rubbing in slow circles. "You just need to get on the plane and relax."

 

Pepper ran her fingers through her hair, strands tangling between her fingers. She shifted uncomfortably, pulling them off her hand.

 

"See, your hair is falling out. You're talking in your sleep.  You're drinking a bottle of wine every night..." he looked her over, worriedly.

 

She took a sharp inhale. "What am I saying in my sleep?" She asked, furrowing a brow up at him.

 

"Mmm. Don't you wish you knew," he smirked.

 

"What do you mean?" she asked, her cheeks flushing.

 

"You have my dirtiest thoughts topped," he said, with a snort. 

 

"Naw uh," she gave a half snort, looking up. "You're lying."

 

He grinned down. "Mmm. You like to beg too."

 

"Stop making stuff up," she snorted, crossing her arms over her chest as his finger tips gently dig into her hips more. 

 

"You do. Mostly for pizza and wine, honestly. Sometimes buffalo wings and beer..." he chuckled, caressing her lower back. 

 

Pepper snorted, shaking her head and looking down.  "You're a mess," she said softly.

 

"There are other things you ask for in your sleep, though..." he said, looking more serious now, his chocolate eyes locked on her face. "Mostly for me to hold you... like this," his voice dropped low as he pulled her closer. "And kisses," he watched her eyes drift closed. 

 

Pepper laid her forhead against his chest, breathing him in deep, fingers caressing his sides. "We have to get dressed," she said softly. "Appointment's in an hour," she slipped into him more as his hand on her lower back drifted farther down.

 

"Mmm. Can't we just reschedule," he said softly, tightening his grip around her waist. 

 

"Not this one," she said softly.

 

"Okay. I guess I can settle for cake for breakfast," he lamented with a dramatic sigh, letting her go after a moment. 


	19. Mile High Club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut. NSFW.

Gently he caressed her hair, her cheek against his chest, her legs draped across his thigh. Out the window was the Atlantic Ocean, miles upon miles of it. He held his whole world right here though, at least the most important part of it. She kept him together when he was falling apart.  

 

He still wasn't positive about where he stood with Steve, or if he could ever trust Bucky Barnes. Even after seeing all of Natasha's documentation, she'd double crossed him at least twice so far. Slowly his hand slipped down Pepper's spine, readjusting her so he could hold her more fully. 

 

But the movement caused her to blink her eyes open, staring into his own with this half awake gaze that he'd fallen in love with. Her lips were pouty, her brows relaxed for once. He tugged her into his lap facing him on the plush seat of the private jet. She made a little noise somewhere between a grunt and groan. 

 

"Are we there?" she whimpered, shifting closer on his thighs, tucking her bare feet under his knees. 

 

"Not quite," he said softly, voice low and slow. "About two more hours... your neck just looked really uncomfortable." He stroked her sides gently. "Lay your head of my shoulder," he instructed. 

Pepper squirmed, head on his shoulder, nose buried in his neck. She took a deep inhale, and slowly her hands slipped around to his back, softly dragging her nails up and down his skin. She let out a content sigh, eyes closed, hips rocking just a little.

 

"Pep... uh... you're working some magic I don't think you mean to," he said gently, kissing her temple softly, letting his lips linger against her skin a moment.

 

"Mmm." She barely responded, leaning up and letting her lips drag across the flesh on the side of his neck below his ear. Her hips started to drag more fully against him. 

 

Tony let out a heated groan, shifting his hips up to meet her beneath her rotations, his fingers sliding to her lower back, rubbing little circles. "Naughty little thing, you..." he said in mock scolding, his tone still low. There was something gruff in his voice. He could feel how warm she was in his lap. "Mmm. If you don't stop... things are going to happen... I can't be... held responsible."

 

Pepper lifted her head, meeting his eyes before diving into a heavy kiss, her movements becoming more defined, more purposeful. He kissed back passionately, his tongue caressing her lower lip then nibbling at it, his fingers trailing down to her bottom, slinking over her curves, kneading either side of her derriere with strong calloused fingers in just the right way to draw the first moan into his mouth. 

 

"Is that what you want?" he asked huskily, "or is there somewhere else that needs my attention, baby?"

 

Pepper reached behind her, taking a hold of his wrist, trying to lead his hand up and around her waist. But after moving upwards, he didn't budge. "C'mon," she whimpered. "Tony... please?"

 

"Please what?" he asked, raising his brows, lips tugged into a cocky smirk. "What is it, Pep?"

 

Pepper gave a deep sigh, squirming in his lap more fully. "Please don't make me ask," she whined.

 

"Mmm. Ask for what, honey?" he tilted his head. "What do you need?"

 

Pepper pouted, still trying to lead his hand. After a moment she stopped tugging, her fingers going to his back again. "I need your hand someplace else," she whimpered.

 

"Where?" he asked. "Tell me. It's sexy when you tell me. Come on... use your words..." he coaxed.

 

"Down there," she whimpered.

 

"Your feet?" he asked. "Your kink is not my kink..."

 

"No. Not there..." she said, sounded exasperated. "Tony... please touch me..."

 

"Where?" he asked, voice low and gravelly again. "Tell me where and I'll make you scream, I promise." He nuzzled into her neck, nipping. 

 

"My pussy," she moaned into his ear with a little gasp. And before she knew it, he was ripping her panties under her dress, opening her flower as delicately with calloused large fingertips as he did slots on the most precious motherboard, immediately and gently caressing in just the right way to elicit a teeth bared scream of his name, then going to work building the next peak and the next...

 

Two hours passed very quickly. Minorly disheveled and completely spent, the two buckled back in to prepare for descending and landing in Wakanda in a sense of self induced euphoria. 

 


	20. Flags

Tony ushered Pepper put before him as they exited the plane. He spotted Steve's blond blue eyed self, arms crossed over his chest, looking super stiff. Tony took Pepper's royal blue lacy once panties in his hand and spun them over his head like a lasso in response, which caused Steve to duck his head and ruffle his hair nervously. Tony chuckled and stuffed the ripped undergarment into his pocket with a smirk. 

 

His cheeks were flushed vibrant pink by the time Pepper got to him. He reached out and took her hand extra gently. The serum made some things different. Strong handshakes could crush the bones in someone's hand. He could give Tony a gentle handshake, but small boned women required something even gentler. He was cautious about even closing his hand all the way with kids. "Hi, Pepper. Good to see you again," he said, with a flash of a smile.

 

"Hi. You look good," she said with a grin, looking him up and down. "Less stressed, more relaxed, even standing all stiff like that." She smiled and touched his bicep, barely above his elbow. He was so much taller than her, taller than Tony, and so much larger that he dwarfed her entirely. 

 

Tony stepped behind Pepper, oblivious to his little panty flag escapade, and reached an arm around her to shake Steve's hand. He have him a half grin, tilting his head. "Nice color to your cheeks," he said with a chuckle. Steve gave and eye roll and Tony tugged him closer, Steve's body complying, for a half assed sort of hug. "Good to see you again."

 

"Thanks for coming back. And for thinking of him... didn't you say you had..." Steve tilted his head, unsure if Pepper knew.

 

"An awful virus that he replicated that could kill you," Pepper chimed in, her jaw immediately squaring and body tensing. She shifted away from Tony subconsciously. She felt his hand go to her right hip from behind. 

 

"I think he was thinking of the phrase possible solution, but you know..." Tony said softly. He looked up at Steve. "Sensitive subject for her. She was infected with the originally developed, weaponized strand." He stroked her hip gently, pulling her closer. "But I want to explain it to both of you. If she says it's not an option after that, we can't do it, but it could heal up some of the severe tissue damage in Bucky's brain..."

 

Pepper relaxed a little into him after a minute, feeling rather guilty about her outburst. Her face softened. "I just don't want a repeat of Ultron."

 

"None of us do," answered Steve. He looked between them. "Let's walk and talk. I'm glad you got to come along this time," he said to Pepper as she fell in step beside him. "I think you'll like it here. You'll probably meet a lot of people interested in the company too. We do a lot of work with clean energy just like Stark Industries." He grinned. "Same forward thinking is incorporated  into our whole society." He tilted his head. "We'll be staying in this building. Tony was here last time. There's a lot of things to do here within walking distance," he offered gently. 

"So is this... home now?" Pepper asked Steve, looking ahead as not to make him nervous. "Not coming back?" She slid a hand into Tony's, feeling his thumb stroking her.

 

"Well," Steve said, ruffling the back of his hair, "I don't have much choice, really. At least for now..."

 

"Our lawyers haven't been much help?" she questioned, turning her blue green gaze up at him with a deepset frown. 

 

"It's nearly impossible to overturn international policy, even if they prove my innocence," he said quietly, tilting his head, crystal blue eyes on her own. 

 

Pepper dropped her head with a deep sigh, chest rising and falling exaggeratedly. "I didn't realize..."

 

"It's alright," Steve said. "I'm not worried about it. Life's a lot lighter without the shield anyway... it's just been hanging on the wall."

 

Pepper nodded. Tony squeezed her hand and met her eyes, then spoke. "I think maybe we should get unpacked, change our clothes, and meet for lunch. You two have a lot of catching up to do, and we have things to discuss. Maybe we can go to that poolside place like last time?" Tony asked, tilting his head. 

 

Steve nodded. "Yea. Sounds great..."


	21. Recreation

"About the possib-" Tony started, hand on his glass, fingers sending condensation rolling down the cool surface. 

 

"Deadly, awful virus," interjected Pepper, hands in her lap, food mostly untouched but wine glass empty. She looked up, eyes molten and angry, strawberry blonde bangs slipping out of her face.

 

"Possible solution..." Tony said slowly, eyeing her, lifting his glass to take a long drink. The corners of his eyes wrinkled in irritation as he sucked his teeth and shook his head, mouth screwed up to one side, brows low and nose crinkling. "You know... it's not even exactly the same virus..."

 

Pepper sat back, watching him, mouth in a straight line. She folded her arms over her chest and gave a little breath. "Before you start... I want to say that even if I agree, you have to agree to my terms too. That means limiting your lab time, eating, sleeping, and you know, otherwise functioning like a human being..." she said scathingly. "Unlike you've been doing. You've been acting like it's the Bermuda Triangle down there. Working on that harness would've killed you if James didn't call me. That's not happening this time or else I'm having FRIDAY shut you down and out." She unfurled her arms, hands on the table, watching him.

 

Steve looked away, as though he was overhearing something he shouldn't be. He rubbed the back of his neck a moment before looking back. "She has a point," he muttered. 

 

"Ét tu, Brüté?" Tony replied. 

 

"I just mean..." Steve looked up. "You're responsible over there now. I know nothing is going on but if something happened, you can't be burnt out and expect to handle it," he said, tilting his head. 

 

"I say you let me be your boss," Pepper said. "I'll tell you when you've had enough overtime for the day amd set perameters in the lab security to prevent you from..."

 

"You're going to lock me out of my own lab? " Tony asked, narrowing his eyes. 

 

"Essentially. If you need a few days off..." she answered, obviously standing her ground, not budging.

 

"That's not how my brain works though, " he whined. "What if I have a break through at midnight and I lose it because I can't get into my lab because you've locked me out? " he asked, shifting in his seat. "We can talk specifics later, but if I'm sleeping and eating and generally okay, I don't know that I'm alright with you locking me out."

 

"Fair." Pepper sat up straighter, hands in her lap again. She looked down for a minute then back up. "Alright. Possible solution..."

"Plus it's not a matter of 8 hours a day when you're an engineer. Bruce isn't here. I have to do this on my own. So I might need more time," Tony said, his gaze locking on Pepper's. 

 

"Okay, okay. Fine. But I retain the right as your soon to be wife to force feed you cheeseburgers and drug you with vitamin c to boost your immune system and a tranquilizer dart so you sleep if you start to look like a zombie," she threw back, keeping his dark gaze.

 

Tony fidgeted in his seat, shifting from one side to the other, watching her, looking wounded. She really just didn't trust him to take care of himself.  Then again,  in the last few years, he'd proven to her science and engineering took over basic human needs more than once. He pursed his lips. "Don't threaten me with a good time..." he mumbled sarcastically.

 

Steve laughed, but caught himself, silencing it immediately after with wide eyes as the couple negotiated. He was patient, just listening. Sometimes he really wished he had someone to fuss over him like Pepper did Tony. Remind him to take care of himself, to put himself first when he needed to. Steve rarely let himself relax or ate just to enjoy the taste. He was always trying to help someone else. Maybe, in a way, he and Tony weren't so different at the root, after all. 

"So we can discuss that part later," Tony replied, sounding agitated. He had his hands on the table, flat, palms down. "Henson and Killian created a virus that, using nanotechnology, could repair damage on a cellular level through genetic manipulation. We're talking regrowing limbs, and even healing psychological damage. It goes to the brain and recodes parts we don't utilize to fix whatever has been compromised. The issue with AIM's version was in thermodynanics."

 

"Thermodynanics?" questioned Steve, raising a brow.

 

"Yea. People were exploding at like 3000°C. Tony left thar bit -" Pepper cut in, her eyes wide and glazed over, clutching the edge of the table with white knuckles, the visions of that time spent given that serum replaying in her head on a repetitive loop.

 

"Yea. I know. Because I've found a way to rewrite the formula to simplify it." He stated.

 

"People weren't even fully dosed yet and were rejecting it unpredictably and exploding," Pepper said, looking horrified. 

 

"Because..." Tony blinked, pulling out a square, pressing a button. A white board appeared, and he pulled an expo marker from behind his ear. "The original formula was like the Soldier Serum in ways. The Chitauri even combined it with Gamma Rays. That's why it was so hard to kill them," he said. "I don't need sustainable. I don't need super soldiers. I don't need thermodynamics. I only need to harness the part of the brain to reqrite genetic code and regrow neurons and limbs for maybe three days. Three days is giving extra time too. I know this virus can do its work in regrowing a human leg in less than 24 hours." Tony swallowed. He was writing out the original make up, then underneath the new one. "Two different mutations. I will mutate the original virus, cut out the metabolic changes, cut out the thermodynamics, and give it a 72 hour half life. We can watch the patients closely for that amount of time without rerouting too much energy into it."

 

Pepper loosened her grip, her face softening as she did.  She tilted her head. "How will you know you've made the correct mutations?" 

 

"The lab rats. Rat DNA is different than human but we can predict the course of the virus by infecting them with mutations. Observation. This isn't a 4 week engineering project, it's six months out at least. Without Banner, maybe more. But I think it could help a lot of people." Tony bit his lip. "I told you to hear me out, Pep. I'm not talking permanent regeneration. I'm talking regrowing a limb then doing dialysis to filter out remnants of a half virus."

 

Steve took a deep breath. He didn't fully understand all of what was being said, but it sounded useful. "How does this affect me?" He watched Tony's eyes.

 

"Bucky has severe brain damage from the chair." Tony glanced at Pepper, who looked really confused. "Natasha brought some stuff from her past to light to try to help Steve, I guess. They used to strap Bucky into a chair and electrocute him combined with programming his brain to obey command back in the day. When I say his brain looks like an omelette, I'm not exaggerating. It also makes him dangerous. Without the phrases to give the handler position to Steve, Bucky is a ticking time bomb. Plus HYDRA has the command list to take him back if they wanted. He could-"

 

Steve raised a palm and pinched the bridge of his nose, his breathing not so different from when he was told Peggy died. He took a few forced deep breaths and then blinked up. "She gets the point."

 

"Anyway," Tony started in. "Cellular regrowth. We'll heal the psychological damage from the years spent being The Winter  Soldier. You'll have your friend back but with all the knowledge and training he has now. He'll be free from Russian codes and HYDRA influence. And you can unfreeze him and pal around together like old times before he fell off that train." 

 

Steve nodded, face paling slightly. This sounded too good to be true so he tried not to invest himself emotionally but the idea of running rogue as a duo and hitting HYDRA bases across Europe sounded inviting without threat of Bucky being taken over again. He sat up straighter.

 

"The arm can be regrown too depending on the make up of the machinery, how it was anchored. Even if it was anchored into the spinal cord, if we damaged something during removal it could be repaired by the virus. He could be just like he was when you were kids in Brooklyn again. Not have to wear long sleeves... not have to hide..." Tony sucked his teeth, looking down.

 

Steve nodded. "I wonder if he'd consent to it," he pondered outloud.

 

"I want to do it for Rhodey too." Tony looked up, the guilt just pouring off of him in waves. "It's my fault he can't walk. I want to fix his spine so he can get his legs back."

 

Pepper took a deep breath, pursing her lips. She shifted in her seat, just listening. "What if they say no, they don't want it?" she asked. "What if something goes wrong? You can't just play God with people, Tony..."

 

"I have to create it successfully before we can even ask, so..." he answered, with pointed look.

 

Steve nodded. 

 

Pepper took a deep breath, still looking uncomfortable with the idea. She shifted. "If you don't put yourself in jeopardy to do it..." was her answer, looking down. 

 


	22. Refresh

"I hope I didn't do any major damage to the suit... I was just pretty..." Steve sighed, tilting his head. "Pretty angry, I guess." He looked back at Tony and Pepper through the trees and misty rainforest air. 

 

"We don't have to talk about -" Tony started, feeling his cheeks pale a bit. 

 

"We do, though. I don't think you have talked to me about it in a direct way. I tried to get something out of you last time, when Natasha came clean about knowing what they did to Bucky." Steve held a branch and waited for the other two to pass through before letting it go, continuing on the trail. 

 

"I don't want to." Tony met Steve's baby blues and pursed his lips. "I don't want to talk about it. It happened. It's over."

 

Steve tilted his head and glanced at Pepper, who raised her brows and looked away quickly. She stuck in ear shot but acted apathetic for the moment. 

 

"I mean, nothing we can say can undo what happened, Rogers." Tony ruffled in the back of his hair, adjusting his t-shirt and looking away.

 

"No. It can't," Steve agreed. "But it can help us work past it and be a team again. I really..."

 

"I can't do that any more." Tony swallowed the hard lump in his throat. 

 

Pepper spun around, brows drawn toward her nose, looking inquisitive. She coughed and her forhead wrinkled. "What?"

 

Steve was quiet. Listening. He lead them along the trail, carefully footing his boots and watching their feet to be sure they did the same. He pushed back his blond hair. 

 

Tony let the awkward silence fall for a moment before he just had to break it. It put him in a strange position, something he wasn't ready to admit outloud. "I don't want to be as active as I have been." He drew a deep breath. "I'm getting... I don't know. It's the whole reason I created Ultron in the first place. No one seems to believe me," he eyed Pepper, "but I really don't want to spend my entire life being Iron Man." He paused again, and reached out to Pepper's waist, noticing her balance falter a moment. "I want... I want a family. And I want peace of mind."

 

Steve was quiet. He took a deep breath and the sound of rushing water from a little bit away broke the silence. It brought him out of wherever his mind had wandered. "Really?" he asked.

 

"Yes. Yes, really." Tony looked around taking in his surroundings. "I know this is going to come off wrong coming from me to you, but I'm getting older. I never wanted to do this forever. That was never the goal." He blinked. "Don't you ever dream about you know, getting married, settling down, having a life outside of this?"

 

Steve's face changed, so he kept his back to them purposefully. "I used to," he admitted quietly. 

 

Pepper sped up a bit as the ground got more even, her arms crossed over her chest uncomfortably. She felt like she shouldn't be listening to this. At all. 

 

"I'm not saying I'll retire the suit forever. If it was necessary, I'd put it on tomorrow. But something happened." Tony pursed his lips and looked away. "It started after the alien invasion. I panic. And that's not good for anyone." He took a deep breath. "I still want to stick around. Invent things. Offer direction where I can. Help out where I can."

 

Steve nodded. "Right. I've never had to face my own mortality. I understand though." He watched Peggy whither away in a hospital bed after a good, full life without him. He'd never experience what Tony had opportunity to. Though he and Sharon had grown close and spent time together, she had her own life, her own adventures. One day he'd probably watch her grow old and die as well. The only person he had close to him he was relatively sure he might nkt outlast, in fact, was Bucky Barnes.

 

Tony grew silent. Pepper spoke up after a moment, glancing up at Steve. "So, I gather that Bucky and you are old friends?" She seemed legitimately interested. 

 

And the conversation turned. Steve recounted how they met as kids in Brooklyn, that their moms had been neighbors. He talked about school, about Bucky always having his back. He got animated about Coney Island and about Bucky's finesse with women and talked about how sick and small he'd always been as a kid. And through his lively recount, Pepper almost felt like she could see and feel it. He mentioned that Bucky joined up right after school. And that he got rejected. Bucky came home when Steve's mom died, tried to bring him to his house to stay. Then he talked about saving Bucky's life. And about the train. And he grew silent then too. 

 

Pepper took a deep breath. She wasn't quite sure what to say. Nothing seemed consolation for either man. 

 

"I really want to help him. Not because I like him, obviously. But because he means something to you," Tony offered gently. 

 

They came upon the waterfall a moment later. Beautiful and vibrant flowers bigger than your head bloomed around the crystal clear rushing water. The spray that filled the air was chilled and nothing Pepper had ever smelled was so refreshing. She stopped, jaw dropped, and took it all in.

 

Steve smiled at her awe, but mostly at how Tony smiled while he watched her awe. It was a real, genuine smile. Maybe the first Steve ever observed from the other man. It reminded him of Peggy and made his own lopsided grin perk. 


	23. Chapter 23

"Peter, Peter... slow down... I need you to..." Pepper pushed her high back chair away from her desk a moment, sliding her feet back into her heels and covering her eyes with her free hand as she held a cell phone to her ear. "Listen, Peter... you need to go back to class..."

She looked up into the eyes of the photograph on the desk, swallowing hard. They stood, his arms wrapped around her waist, her white gown trailing the ground behind her. Pepper couldn't help but glare at photograph Tony, however, with his knowing smile. "Peter... I get it. I get it. I'll send someone else over there but for now... yes, yes, what I was going to say. Your education is more import-"

Pepper stood up entirely, filling her lungs and holding the phone with her shoulder, turning her wedding band and engagement ring as she began to pace. This kid drove her crazy, mostly because she cared about him. It was hard not to. He was a likable kid. But with that came this savior complex reminiscent of her husband. 

"Peter. Stop ta- stop talking a second and listen to me right now..." She wondered if she sounded like his aunt because he went silent. "You need to go back to class right now. Go learn. Go gather as much information as you can because it will help you in your line of work later on, okay?" She blinked, looking out at the skyline, taking a deep breath. "I will send someone over to check out the possible threat. But for now, buddy, you need to focus. You need to do well in school so that no one doubts your judgement once you graduate, okay?" She waited a moment, only met with a long sigh. "Okay, Peter...?" She asked quietly, frowning. 

He finally answered, downtrodden at best. "I'll bring you lunch today and we can talk about it, alright? I'm... I'm sorry you're hurt or disappointed but I need to keep you safe. The world is going to need you. I promise you that. Tony needs you. Okay? But it's not time yet."

Pepper hugged her middle with one arm, taking the phone in her hand again. "Yes, exactly. Give it four more years, Peter. Just four. I'll be here for you through it just like Happy and Tony and your aunt. I promise." She listened, looking at the ground, and nodded as her office door opened. "I know. I... uh... I care about you, buddy. Go on back to class. We'll have lunch at 12:45, okay? See you then?"

"Bye, Peter," she let out a long exhale, hanging up, and staring at New York again from the window before sending a message with a location to Natasha, who'd returned for the wedding and to lay low in the office.

After a day of paperwork and negotiating Peter from wrecklessness, all she really wanted to do was relax. But other things were in the works when she stepped foot inside the house, it seemed. She heard Rhodey and Tony in the kitchen as she undressed, door closed, arguing in hushed voices. The tone was what was relevant, not the words. Casually she strolled into the room, pulling a bottle of wine from the chiller as they went silent, staring at one another.

"Don't stop on my account," she said, raising her brows, popping the cork and settling with her legs crossed at the island on a stool. 

James looked her over and shook his head, taking a deep breath. "How was work?"

Pepper took a long drink, tilting her head. "Peter called me. A few times. How was your day?" 

Rhodes shook his head. "I don't want that virus in me. I saw what happened to you."

Tony huffed. "It's not the same thing! I've tested it in several previously genetically defective lab rats and none of them have any sign of thermo instability. Or of superhuman strength. You'd be you, you'd just be able to heal yourself."

Pepper raised her brows, shaking her head. "No, you can't coerce him into consent, Tony..."

His dark eyes landed on her. Then to James. He shook his head and headed to the door, ruffling the back of his head. "Well, I have no clue why I'm doing this then. Might as well scrap all of this work. Apparently T'Challa's sister already fixed Barnes up."

Pepper watched him sulk out of the room and took another drink, shaking her head slowly.


End file.
